The daunting, life-altering questions before me this past weekend:

Would Denim Bar live up to its ever-growing reputation as the place to go for high-end jeans? Would the jeans stocked there be able to lift not just my derriere but also my distaste for the idea of designer denim itself? And most importantly, would I find a pair that actually fit?

The answer to all these questions turned out to be… yes. Yes. Oh Yes!

Ever since my department store denim wrangle I’d been planning a trip to Denim Bar, looking for a date with designer jeans that might possibly turn out to be that One Perfect Pair for a voluptuous yet long-torso’d girl like me. So last Saturday I visited the blue temple located at Pentagon Row, armed with a friend whose honesty is legendary.

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Pimp + Ho Zones

While Three 6 Mafia sang their Oscar winning tune last night about how pimping ain’t easy:

“It’s hard out here for a pimp, when you tryin’ to get the money for the rent, with the Cadillac and gas money spent, you got a whole lot of bitches jumpin’ ship.”

Here in DC, hardworking pimps were singing another tune, specifically “Daddy”, Jaron R. Brice. Last week he was convicted of sex trafficking of a minor, transporting prostitutes across state lines, pandering and child sexual abuse, in other words, of being one bad-ass pimp.

In reading the WashPost article, while its very sad, the passage discussing how Daddy Brice taught the girls how to be prostitutes struck me odd:

Over the next day or so, the new girls were outfitted with short shorts and revealing tops and taught to apply heavy make-up. They sat in the back seat of Brice’s purple Chevrolet Caprice to watch a video that laid out the rules and jargon of what she and the others learned to call “The Game”: Call your pimp “Daddy.” Walk behind him, keeping your gaze down. Never speak to or look at another pimp. Get the money in advance. Obey your pimp’s “bottom” — the prostitute he trusts most. She and the other prostitutes who work for your pimp are your “sisters.” All of you make up a “stable.” Along with the pimp, you are a “family.”

“Watch a video that laid out the rules and jargon”?? Um and what video would that be? Pimp & ‘ho glamorizing Pretty Woman or Risky Business? Or the real and gritty American Pimp? One thing’s for sure, they weren’t getting I’m Gonna Git You, Sucka on the backseat screen. Not from a guy who enforced $500 quotas on 14 year olds and 10 minute time limits for Johns.

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Service Date: 2008

…to Dulles one day. Or so says this big poster in one of the airport hallways. Yes, the creaky old people-movers will one day be only a memory. Replaced by Jetsons-like pods that whisk us along, circa, oh 1985 in any other modern airport.

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I moved up here from Miami about four years ago and of late I’m having very unpleasant deja vu. Both the IHOP shooting and a Sunday Post article about a sexual misconduct incident have me remembering things I’d have been happy to have left behind in South Florida.

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I’m sure it was a great idea when they thought of it. I’m sure he means well. I’m sure he thinks he’s doing his part in the Capitol, working hard for his constituents. But really, is making DC into a tax testbed a good idea? That’s what Sen. Sam Brownback aims to do this week in hearings on The Hill. We’ve weighed in before on this subject, but this time it seems to actually be coming before Congress in a meaningful way.

You can email Senator Brownback if you have particularly strong opinions, one way or the other, but he’s really only accountable to his own constituents, highlighting one of the more bizarre dichotomies of DC. Sure, Congress makes decisions that affect DC, but no one who actually lives there can vote on the subject. If you’re interested in seeing the hearing, it’s being held at 2pm on Wednesday in “SD-124” which I would interpret as the Senate Dirksen office building, room 124. If I’m decoding that wrong, do let me know.

The problem here, according to many, is that the differing scales are unfair to District residents, and treating the Federal City as a guinea pig. I’m of the opinion that it will be cheaper and more effective to just do a test case with a full state’s income tax returns under a flat tax system to demonstrate the effectiveness of the idea behind the new system, rather than an actual case which might cost District residents a bunch more money, and cause mass confusion the likes of which even H&R Block or Jackson Hewitt might have trouble untangling.

But that could just be me. What do you make of the DC Flat Tax idea?

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I’m so excited that Fogo de Chao has come to DC. Our vegetarian readers can stop reading at this point and just scroll to the next post. For the rest of us carnivores, however…

If you haven’t had churrasco, Brazilian barbecue, before, you’re in for quite an experience. Twenty or so men with moderate command of the English language, walking around with swords and pikes, asking if you’d like more meat.

Mmm, meat.

Fogo de Chao is a chain which started in Brazil before making its way to the States, and the gauchos with the pikes are also the chefs. Flip the round card on your table to green to start the meat parade, and flip it back to red when you need a break. And then stop by my table to say hello.

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No mailboxes here…

Dragging after a red-eye back from San Fran, all I wanted to do was grab my mail to read while I soaked in the tub. Then I opened my apartment lobby door and was greeted by this mess.

That big hole – that’s where the mailboxes used to be. A quick search did not reveal the alternate mail location, which makes me wonder: Where is my mail?

Seeing that I followed the mailman tip guide, I’m not too worried that it’s lost, my mailman takes care of me, but it’d be nice to know where the mail went.

Any ideas?

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I’d say it’s a pretty fair bet that none of us looked this cute playing in the snow last month. Check out the rest of the snow photos over here and a number of other non-snow Tai Shan shots over here.

My darling girlfriend got us tickets to attempt to see Tai Shan and his parents for this coming week. I say attempt because you get entry for a particular time and have to simply hope they’re in a gregarious mood for your timeslot. You can do your ticket requesting on the Panda section of the National Zoo’s website and get a ticket for up to six spaces, maximum of two tickets a day. More than that and you have to talk to the group co-ordinator.

Maybe we should arrange a DC Metblogs group visit. Could we get 10 or 20 of you Constant Readers to join us?

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Wanna sip wine with simians? Get drunk with gorillas? Then sign up for the FONZ Young Professional’s first annual “Grapes With the Apes” wine tasting on April 21st.

Sample wines and hors d’oeuvres from Virginia and Maryland wineries and area restaurants; enjoy live music, wine seminars with a local expert, and exclusive access to the Zoo’s Great Ape House.

Oddly enough, proceeds from the event benefit the Asian Elephant Conservation Fund, not an Ape conservation fund.

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Candice Martinez, aka “The Cellphone Robber”, was sentenced today in Alexandria for committing several bank robberies in Northern Virginia, all while chatting away with her accomplice and boyfriend on her cellphone. The sentence was 12 years in (Federal PMITA) Prison: 7 for the use of a gun in a bank robbery and 5 more for the actual robbery.

The judge said he had reviewed Martinez’s life story, including her seeming rise to success at Boys and Girls Town and her enrollment in college. “Reading your life story,” Lee said, “one would have thought you’d be graduating from college. But now, you’re graduating to prison.”

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So, the time has finally come, it’s Gym Time for Tommy. I looked at a bunch of gym’s around the area and ended up going with the Energy Club at the foot of the hill in Shirlington. I thought about going the YMCA route like Wayan, but the locations were just too far from my house, and proximity is key to keeping me going every day.

But, can I ask one thing…when did going to the gym become like going to a nice restaurant? The lockerroom at the Energy Club had real oak cabinets (I can spot the fakes) with towels and digital combo lockers, and italian tile floors, not to mention beautiful hardwood floors in the gym?

Hey, not that I miss the circa 1950s spare room feeling that I used to get at the Arlington Y…

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photo courtesy of Shaggy Paul

So I find that over in Cali there’s Burbed, a blog devoted to (essentially) bitching about insane real estate prices. Burbed admits to being inspired to start by Curbed, a blog devoted to bitching about New York’s insane real estate prices. What about us? Where’s our whiny real-estate blog? The cost of homes is certainly just as insane here and god knows we’re not short on people who like to bitch and complain – look at the author list to the right of this post! C’mon, who’s gonna step up?

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How hard core DC lawyer are you? Do you bill clients by the hour or half-hour? What about six-minute increments? Six-minute increments including time you’re in the bathroom thinking about a case?

If you’re that insane hard core, now you have a way to set you’re whole life around the six-minute billing increment, to flaunt it even, with The Billable Hour watch.

That’s right, you can be even more a bore to those of us who already hate your overzealous Crackberry use.

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There I was, sitting in the coffee shop, working on a bunch of spreadsheets, taking in my morning latte. Minding my own business.

Sipping the Joe, and Crunching the numbers.

Soaking up the free wifi. Then they came in. In velour jumpsuits. If it sounds like I am still in shellshock, that’s because I am still in a state of absolute shock. Three of them, average age well above 60. In velour jumpsuits. One purple. One…brown.

Kids, this cannot stand. I need a new coffee shop. Preferably with WiFi and decent coffee. The latter is negotiable. The former is not. Where can I go?

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I understand the value of the interstitial ad. They’re good ways of making a boatload of cash. They’re just also really, really good at making your readers a little pissy. Which is probably why we don’t have them anywhere near Metblogs. That doesn’t explain why I got an interstitial ad this morning when I dialed up washingtonpost.com. Seriously, isn’t the idea that the front page is a “free zone” and that interstitial ads only really apply after the front page?

What’s going on here, WaPo?

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“Mona Lisa has a moustache now?” our cab driver laughed as we pulled under the banner at the National Gallery of Art’s East Building.

Yes indeed, she does. Marcel Duchamp’s “L.H.O.O.Q.” is the main advertising used for the Dada exhibit. It’s a print of the Mona Lisa, with a scribbled moustache. A whimsical image now, once highly subversive, but easy on the masses used to Warhol. This worried me somewhat at first – though I love the eccentricities of Dada, I like it more when it’s going for the jugular. But there’s nothing light-hearted about beginning of the exhibit, which starts off with a submersion into the horrors of World War I. The first blood red room has no art, only a looped film of the carnage surrounded by striking photographs. It forces the viewers to get into the mindset of the Dadaists, to understand what they were rebelling against, and to see that Dada itself was born out of chaos.

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photo courtesy of Celebdu

According to Capital Weather we’re likely going to see weather a little colder than average for the next week and have a slim chance at some snow & accumulation next Mon/Tues, but that’s probably it for this winter season. Personally I’m fine with that. As much as I enjoy the winter season, I feel like this one has done its magic and done it well. Let’s end on a good note. We had a February that was much much less gray than usual and such a nice snow that at age 35 I got to make my first ever snowman! Let’s move on to BBQs and ourdoor patios. Just leave the ice out of my beer, please.

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The gang over at Deadspin is bagging on Screech pretty hard today. Sure, our mascot might be better suited to a bizarro children’s show written by Hunter S. Thompson, but at least he’s ours, right?

Right?

*crickets*

Right?

Okay, so yeah, Screech sucks, but what should we do about it? Should we turn him into the modern day San Diego Chicken and have him travel with the team and harass mascots and umpires? Turn him into troubled teen Screech? No, you’re thinking about Saved By the Bell. Stop that.

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The Westin Arlington Gateway opened yesterday in Ballston, right across from the Ballston Mall on Glebe Road. The Westin brand is one of the real luxury brands of hotels, along the line of a W or a Ritz Carlton. View from the Wing has a good summary of the space:

The new building is a site to behold inside! That new hotel feel is just great, and the design is pretty sweet. It’s very light and airy, modern in look and feel. It reminds me of the Westin Melbourne, at least for the lighting.

The top two floors aren’t done yet. The official open for those floors is supposed to be March 15, but staff concede that isn’t going to happen. That’s where the executive lounge will be (top floor), so there’s no lounge available yet. Apparently there’ll be at least one larger suite suitable for entertaining with a small cocktail reception on the top floor. There might be more than one between the two floors, but they apparently haven’t gone final on configuration yet.

I’m told that the parking garage will be connected underground to the metro, but I’m really not sure how that’s going to work. In any case, since they say 9 months off I’d expect it to take even longer.

Rates start at $379 normally, but are $199 per night via an internet special right now.

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pittsburg and richmond in san francisco?

I am trying to get from San Francisco to Berkeley to meet friends for dinner and its getting all pear shaped. I have to take a Pittsburgh train then a Richmond train to get there.

Anyone else find it odd that I need PA and VA on BA to travel in CA?

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