“Jonathan Parker is robbing a house RIGHT NOW! LOL”

Photo courtesy of
‘Facebook poke’
courtesy of ‘liako’

How dumb can you get? Really, really, REALLY dumb. Jonathan Parker, a PA resident, decided to rob stands accused of robbing a house outside of Martinsburg in Berkeley County, WV. But that’s not the dumb part. Ready for this? He checked his Facebook account on the victim’s computer and left it logged in! The Martinsburg Journal (sort of my home newspaper, unfortunately) reports. He apparently stole two diamond rings, in addition to some equipment from the garage. Because of his awesomeness, the police were able to nab him relatively easily.

He is being held right now in the Eastern Regional Jail in Martinsburg on $10,000 bail and could actually get up to 10 years for this. But that’s just for the crime; what can we give him for being the dumbest person on earth? I guess this really shows just how important Facebook is in our lives today. And since comment contests have been popular on WeLoveDC lately…let’s try one here. What do you think he set his status to when he logged into Facebook while robbing someones house? Add yours in the comments.


29 Responses to ““Jonathan Parker is robbing a house RIGHT NOW! LOL””

  1. Karl Johnson Says:

    Jonathan Parker is: Gotz two real nice diamond rings to sell. Who’s buyin?

  2. Kelly Berkley Says:

    Oh wow! I didn’t know it happened in Martinsburg, WV! At least he’s not from WV! We get enough bad press. :)

  3. Rebecca Says:

    If this is a frame job, it’s awesome.

  4. Katie Says:

    Jonathan Parker is: googling pawn shops, LOLZ!

  5. Tiffany Bridge Says:

    Kelly, you mean bad press like this?

  6. Marcus Says:

    Jonathan Parker is checking his facebook page WHILE robbing ppl! HAHAH FML!

  7. James Says:

    I can relate to that. Earlier this year my mother was in Canada on personal business. When she returned she found out that her home had been robbed. The person who did it not only checked his email (Yahoo), but installed the Yahoo applet and set it to AUTO LOG ON!!! Now we not only knew who it was, but could converse with all the wonderful people he calls friends.

    You have to wonder sometimes…

  8. Dave Says:

    Jonathan Parker: hey overly-trusting Martinsburg residents of this household, I’m gonna steal your diamonds, but I’m one of the smartest jackasses of all time, of ALL TIME! so you’ll never find me.

  9. Ravi Says:

    Jonathon Parker has got some sweet diamond rings and power tools to sell. Hit up my cell or drop by 1232 Carmen Dr, Martinsburg, WV.

  10. melita Says:

    Jonathan Parker completed the quiz “what kind of burglar are you?” with the result doofus

  11. Karl Johnson Says:

    hahaha I love it. Yes, this needs to be expanded beyond just a status update. Quiz results are perfect. If only someone would make a screen shot of what this kid’s profile would have looked like…

  12. Get your crime on » We Love DC Says:

    [...] it may not have the kind of comedy of mid-crime Facebook status updates, the National Museum of Crime&Punishment does have some neat exhibits like the [...]

  13. Jay B Says:

    melita wins!

  14. Albatini Says:

    this might not be his first buggle,but i think luck ran out of him this time.he must be anxiuos of the dough he’ll make out of his loots.

  15. DFire Says:

    Jonathan Parker is-robbing a house.
    Jonathan writes-Hey guys make sure to check my profile to see my next targets!

  16. Robertr jefferies Says:

    I said it before and i’ll say it again, and again anybody who is hooked on facebook in a certifiable idiot……..And this guy is just another facebook freak !!!!!

  17. JC Says:

    Jonathan Parker has sent you a friend request!
    And post a comment on your wall:
    “I like your house, I need your house alarm pin number though, PD: don’t forget your car keys too” =)-Jonny

  18. HBK Says:

    jonathon says: ummm, where em i.

  19. Lou Says:

    “What do you think he set his status to when he logged into Facebook while robbing someones house?”

    INVISIBLE ?????

  20. Phyllis Rothwell Says:

    I am not hooked on facebook but I find it interesting that Robertr jefferies (who obviously cannot spell his own name right) thinks that facebook fans are all “certifiable idiots”. I know you said it before and you’ll say it again just like every other dumb thing you like to say.

    As for Jonathan Parker’s update:
    Jonathan Parker is robbing a house…LMFAO!

  21. andrew tobey Says:

    was this guy high or somthing?

  22. Mary Says:

    Hi my name is johnathan parker.. i have two rings for sale.. i have a facebook… i need money to pay for the book i face for taking them. i am still logged on. you can leave me a message.. i will get back to you when i post bail

  23. Jason Says:

    to #16 Robertr jefferies

    Yeah, like news comment posters are really different right?

  24. Sophie Reyes Says:

    And these idiots didnt steal the computers that they”hacked” into? God its actually scary how dumb people are.

  25. Browns415@aol.com Says:

    Jonathan Parker is: ….Garage tools; A couple hundred dollars….two diamond rings; A couple thousand dollars….forgetting to log off of Facebook while robbing a house; Priceless….

  26. demoncat Says:

    jonathan must have been reading a thief for dummies book for if your robbing the house the first rule is to try not to leave anything that can help catch you instead he decided to check his face book account while robbing. talk about dumb as for his status now gone away meeting some new friends to add

  27. Special Says:

    Are you sure that Jonathan was not framed. I know some computer geeks that know just about anybody’s password. Please make sure this is not a frame-job.

  28. ML Says:

    “Hello Facebook friends and family! I’m robbing this house right now; And, so far, I’ve only found two diamond rings! I know the song lyrics repeatedly state Five Golden Rings…Where should I look for the other three? Please reply quickly!!! If I don’t hear from you soon, I’ll have to ask Facebook Technical Support and you know how long that takes!!!”


    “h1 w0r|) TGIF 1′m r0b D@ h0u53 n0w! lol g0t 2 g0! TTYL”


    “I knew all of those comic books I read were full of crap!!! No Superman! No Spider-Man! No Batman! Super Powers? Nobody even knows I’m robbing this house right now!”


    “You can follow me on Twitter!”
    “I’m in the garage!”
    “I’m on the computer in the study!”
    “Cool! a laptop! I’m taking it!”
    “Driving home now!”
    “5-0 behind me!”
    “This will be my last tweet for awhile…”

  29. Kathy Bradley Says:

    This guy’s a blooming idiot! It also sounds like he has some idiot followers. This isn’t funny!
    You joke around like, [lets go do it man, it sounds like fun.] He’s not funny, he’s stupid!

Leave a Reply

Please be sure you understand our comment policy.

Subscribe without commenting