Looks like OPM got its act together to move the one piece of information offsite that everyone wants. The Feds are closed Tuesday.

There’s more white crap on the way (seriously, since I am basically suspended in mid-move waiting for delivery of things like my COUCH and my BED, I couldn’t be more over this nonsense), so we thought we’d take a minute to reiterate Kirk’s very sound suggestions for surviving a Snowpocalypse. Kirk’s got the scoop on the supplies you need to have on hand, how not to kill yourself in your own car, and how to keep the snow under control around your home. I quote:

Make sure you’ve got blankets and logs for your fireplace (if you have one), in case you lose heat. Finally, get the appropriate clothing, particularly boots.  There’s a saying that goes “there’s no such thing as bad weather, only the wrong clothes.” This couldn’t be more true. Buy warm, water proof gear, and layer it up.

Read it, follow the advice, and make sure you’re ready to stay safe and warm during this next storm. And let us know what you recommend for surviving the Snowpocalypse.

Want to know how to run afoul of Montgomery County zoning laws? Host BDSM parties in your house and charge admission.

Paul Pickthorne, of Merrimack Park, has been hosting kink parties in his house for some time, and has been charging admission to defray the costs of hosting. His non-kinky (that we know of, anyway) neighbors complained to their county council representative, Roger Berliner, who responded that the county “has moved aggressively to put an end to this blight on your community.” This swift action took the form of a warning from the zoning inspector.

But I have to ask myself why it is that a bunch of consenting adults getting it on according to their non-mainstream-yet-not-hurting-anyone-who-doesn’t-like-it preferences constitutes a “blight” on a community, since the Post article makes clear that guests don’t park on the street or wear costumes outside of the house. I find it kind of chilling that neighbors can use a legal technicality to make trouble for someone because they’re uncomfortable contemplating (not even witnessing!) the legal sexual activity taking place inside the house. Turn your TV up a little louder and leave the kinksters alone.

Kirk: On Friday, I’m going to the Dogfish Head Alehouse in Falls Church to celebrate my tax return. My plans for Saturday are tenuous, at this point. Provided it doesn’t snow, I’m going to make another attempt at Mr. P’s Ribs and Fish, as my plans were foiled last weekend.  Sunday is, of course, Super Bowl time.  Hopefully I’ll be sitting at a friend’s house in front of a 60″ HD TV with my mouth agape.  Do I care who wins?  No. I hate the Colts and I think that the Saints are overrated. After the game, I’ll mourn the end of the football season and being preparing for fantasy baseball.

John: Friday night I’m going to grab a quick bite somewhere along U street (maybe Marvin) and then run over to play an early show with No Second Troy at the 9:30 Club (Hotspur is headlining, doors at 6, show over by 10:30). After that some drinking at Duffy’s and possibly a late night dance off at find somewhere to watch the SuperBowl and get my drink on. Without a dog in the fight, it’s probably going to see what I can do to start and yet avoid a fist fight.

Paulo: Theodore Roosevelt Island under a foot of snow — what’s that like? Guess I’ll go find out this weekend. Then chowder and clam strips at Tackle Box and a walk through the National Portrait Gallery to pay respects to the late J.D.

’snow signs’
courtesy of ‘philliefan99′

Ben: I’ll be reveling in the coming snowpocalypse (version 2.0) on Friday night and Saturday, sorting through photos I’ve taken over the last year. However, my fun really begins on Sunday with my Pittsburgh Penguins visiting the Verizon Center and the Washington Capitals, hopefully to break “the streak” if the Rangers or Atlanta fail to do so. Regardless, I’ll fill in our faithful readers with a game summary recap soon after. (Hopefully with photos!) Sunday night I’ll probably do some night photography around the Mall, since everyone else will be watching the Super Bowl.

Jenn: I ain’t afraid of no snow. Ok, maybe just a little. In any case it’s not going to stop this blizzard-born girl from having fun this weekend. Friday night local artists Dana Ellyn and Matt Sesow are getting married at Longview Gallery, and you’re invited. Their current work is an incredible meditation on modern marriage (if you can call such in-your-face imagery meditative!). It’s going to be a blast. Saturday I’m rallying the troops to party on U Street and celebrate my birthday no matter how high the snow falls. Failing that, there’s always art at Phillips Collection with the Georgia O’Keeffe exhibit opening Sunday. Get your shovels ready!

Rebecca: Friday I’ll be buying copious amounts of bread and milk to sustain myself during this weekend’s Snowapocalypse Parte Deux. Saturday, it’s snow fucking yeah time! You’ll find me sledding down Wisconsin Avenue into the Potomac on a garbage bag and then cuddling down on my couch watch the quality OnDemand movies Comcast is offering. Sunday, I’ll likely be running around trying to secure my Super Bowl party grocery list. Go Saints!

’snowman between the domes’
courtesy of ‘philliefan99′

Samantha: After stocking up on the major essentials (i.e. gummy bears) in preparation for the storm, the rest of my weekend will be spent eating (i.e gummy bears), watching foreign films (thank you Netflix), and playing Bananagrams.  Side note:  If you don’t know of Banagrams, you should, it might just change your life – or at least make these snowed in weekends seems a little bit more interesting.  Adding some drinking into the rules might not hurt your potential for a fun time either.

Katie: Because the stupid weather gods keep trying to toy with us, my friends and I are declining to let any snow ruin our plans by throwing a big snow sleepover. We’ll have movies, nap time, board games, nap time, wine, more wine, nap time, our favorite TV shows, and maybe do a little crafting. All done in our jammies, of course.

Corinne: It’s gonna be tough to top last weekend, where I watched the Hoyas pummel Duke as President Obama looked on just a few sections away. Amazing. But with all the snow predictions, I glimpse potential for this weekend too. What’s on tap: heading to Theater J to see “The Four of Us,” birthday celebrations for a lifelong friend at a yet-to-be-determined locale and cozying up fireside with friends, bevvies and (fingers crossed) s’mores. Sunday I suppose I’ll be a good American and tune into the big game!

‘DSC_0257′
courtesy of ‘mediaslave’

Tiff: We were supposed to be having an open house this weekend so as to get our house on the market (anyone want a 2BR, 1BA condo w/ backyard in Arlington?), but I’m thinking the weekend will instead be spent trying to come up with every possible recipe combination for milk, eggs, and Bisquick. But maybe Snowpocalypse: The Squeakuel will bring us as much blog fodder as the last one.

Area stores are mostly out of snow shovels already, but I just picked one up for overnight delivery from Amazon. They’re going fast, of course. Buying through this link will throw a few percent to WeLoveDC, too: Snow shovels available for overnight delivery.

Here’s a weird little comedy event that didn’t arrive in my inbox in time for this week’s Comedy in DC column. On Saturday the 30th at 8PM, Mike Blejer, Hampton Yount, Tim Miller, and Matt Hemmerlein will perform a benefit show where the proceeds will be donated to the Red Cross Haiti Relief fund.

The venue is only listed on the Facebook event as 2413 Mount Vernon Avenue, Del Ray. I haven’t heard back from the organizers yet for confirmation, but I Googled that address and came up with a commercial real estate flyer for a vacant property that used to be a carpet store. So… the good news is, it’s not some noisy bar where the TVs will be on in the background. But you’ll have to BYOB (which is not necessarily a negative, in my opinion).

Kirkles: I’mma be taking some friends that recently moved to the area around to a few of my favorite haunts on U St., which means the Saloon, Gibson, and Ben’s Chili Bowl.  I might try to convince them that we need to go to Wisdom, as I’ve never been and have been meaning to get over there for some time.  On Saturday, provided we’re not snowed in, I’m going to Mr. P’s Ribs and Fish in Brentwood, for some good, southern BBQ out of the back of an old school bus.  Supposedly, the ribs are to die for.  Sunday will be my recovery day, but I plan on going to the Eden Center for some sweet, sweet Vietnamese food.

Rachel: Friday night is going to be AWESOME! Why? Back to the Future is playing at E Street Cinema as part of their Midnight Madness series (which, in case you couldn’t figure out, means that they’re rolling the movie at the stroke of midnight). Saturday I’m making my first trip to Cedar to meet up with some of the folks from Leopold Brothers distillery to sample a whiskey I hadn’t heard of until this week – New York APPLE Whiskey — and then wrapping out the night rehearsing for my upcoming gig at Chief Ike’s Mambo Room. Sunday I’ll be spending some quality time with Madeleine Albright at the Newseum hearing all about her new book “Read My Pins: Stories from a Diplomat’s Jewel Box.” Then MAYBE I’ll grab a few winks and Z’s … but that’s a giant maybe.

John: Friday night, barring too much snow, I’ll be trekking over to the Rock and Roll Hotel to check out The Vita Ruins show with Casper Bangs and The Jaguar Club playing support. Saturday morning will be a horse riding lesson out at Serene Acres in Bluemont and then it will be time to start planning out and measuring the new garden beds at the WeLoveDC dirtlab and figuring out what seeds I need to order from Baker Creek. Sunday will be a trek out to Over The Grass Farm to get some milk, eggs, and miscellaneous winter vegetables that they’ve got growing.

‘Skeeball League – Aim for the 100s! – 01-9-10′
courtesy of ‘mosley.brian’

Rebecca: I’ve been craving a “recharge weekend” for a while, which means good meals, good sleep and quality entertainment. Friday I’ll be chowing on Two Amy’s pizza and their tasty oven-roasted olives followed by a pizza calabrese (mmmm….anchovies.) Saturday I’ve been dying to get over to the National Portrait gallery, and Saturday’s 2pm Curator’s Talk on the Outwin Boochever Portrait Competition 2009 provides the perfect entree into this portrait competition exhibition. Sunday night at 9pm I’ll be watching part 2 of Masterpiece Classic’s “Emma” on WETA. This isn’t a simple redo of the pithy 1996 Gwenyth Paltrow movie; this three part miniseries really gets to the meat of Austen’s novel and explores almost all the witty dialogue. I LOVE me some brooding English dramas.

Jenn: Winter’s not over yet, and Thursday night the Pentagon City Ice Skating Rink is having a gala from 6pm-8pm to benefit the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation with lots of fun planned! If I hadn’t just recovered from a concussion, I’d be there falling on my head yet again. Saturday, I’m so excited to see Synetic Theater’s latest wordless Shakespeare - “Antony & Cleopatra” – I have high hopes my favorite company will deliver an exquisitely sexy night of drama (and I’ll tell you all about it next Tuesday). Afterwards I was thinking of letting off steam at Mousetrap’s The Smiths vs. Cure dance party at Black Cat. Sunday is all about sleeping in. Zzz…

Corinne: Tonight I’ll make my first trip to Mount Pleasant’s Radius Pizza, followed by some live tunes at a nearby bluegrass fundraiser—”Haydee’s for Haiti.” Friday evening I’m super excited to hear the fantastically talented Ben Sollee at Iota,  one of my favorite local venues. Saturday I’ll cheer on the Hoyas as they take on Duke, perhaps from newfound viewing spot Black Finn. But the event I’m looking forward to the most? Saturday evening I’m going to a belated Burns Night celebration, where we’ll stab the haggis, down a few wee drams of whisky, read a couple of Rabbie’s poems and make fools of ourselves with some ceilidh dancing, no doubt making me nostalgic for lovely, windswept Scotland.

‘heron in low light’
courtesy of ‘philliefan99′

Shannon: I’ll be moving in two weeks, so this weekend it’s time for a major housecleaning effort and a big trip to the Salvation Army.  I’ll be leaving my lovely neighborhood of Logan Circle for a bigger place in Adams Morgan, so this weekend I will also be stopping by some of my favorite neighborhood spots– Churchkey for some good drinks and delicious flatbreads, Mr. Yogato for their white chocolate hot chocolate (and a Tim Tam Slam!), and Commissary for brunch.  I also have tickets to check out the Terra Cotta Warrior Exhibit at National Geographic, which will mark my first time visiting NatGeo despite the fact that I’ve lived two blocks away for the past three years.

Tiff: Oh, how I wish I had time for fun this weekend. But I may squeeze in some time to see the Upright Citizens Brigade at the Harman Center in between all the packing, cleaning, and pitching that happens before we have to move out of our house for a week for renovations.

The latest installment of “security guards in federal buildings need to lay off trying to interpret the Constitution” comes in the form of a couple of security guards at the National Gallery of Art stopping a citizen from entering the Gallery until she removed the pin on her lapel that had a pro-life message on it. Because it’s a “religious” or “political” symbol, the guards seemed to be unclear on which.

To be absolutely fair, Meghan Duke, the Gallery visitor in question, was there the day after the March for Life, when no doubt every guard in every federally-owned building in town has been instructed to ask people to leave signs and other protest-oriented paraphrenalia outside so as to prevent disruptions inside the building.

According to Duke’s account of the incident, however, the guards didn’t ask her to remove the pin in accordance with rules about protest materials (which would have been just as ridiculous as asking her to remove any other small political button), but on the basis that wearing a religious symbol into a federal building is a violation of the First Amendment. Except that when she asked if she could wear a cross necklace, the guards responded that that would be “completely different.” I am speechless.

Here’s an idea for a policy for security guards to follow: Leave the Constitutional interpretation to the courts.

It’s the grossest part of the winter. You need a laugh. The DC Improv is sold out all weekend already (no, really, they are). What will you do? Fortunately, the local (and not so local) comedy is plentiful.

If sketch/improv is what you’re after, the Upright Citizens Brigade Touring Company will be at the Harman Center for the Arts Friday and Saturday nights. (Disclosure: UCBTC is a We Love DC advertiser.) Ordinarily I don’t mention non-locals because touring headliners can do their own publicity, but this event isn’t getting the publicity national headliners get. It’s touring on the strength of the UCB name, but without any of the individual names that made UCB famous. It seems like a strong statement of confidence in the up-and-comers, and not at all crass like “Dane Cook’s Tourgasm (not actually featuring Dane Cook)” was. (You could make a convincing argument that the Tourgasm was improved by Cook’s absence. but I digress.)

If you prefer standup, there’s a show at Solly’s Tavern on Friday night, featuring Erik Myers, Mike Way, Brian Kerns, Sarah Fraser, and OlmikeB. I’m personally only familiar with Way and Kerns (both funny!), but Fraser is also a personality on the Kane Show, so maybe you’re familiar with her. The show is produced by WayneMan, who I’m also not familiar with, but he’s aggressively booking shows lately, so I’ll be checking them out. As more locals have moved away to to pursue their comedy careers, the number of people producing pre-booked comedy nights has dwindled, so it’s good to see someone stepping up to take their place.

WayneMan is also producing a show Tuesday night in Bethesda at Caddies on Cordell, this one featuring Clay Miles, Sara Fraser, Chip Jones, Kyle Martin, OlmikeB, Michael Black, Matty Abrams, Chris Barylick, Danny Rolando,  and Ahmed. Barylick and Ahmed are particularly hilarious, so this looks like it’ll be entertaining as well.

Finally, on February 9th the DC Improv is hosting the local audition showcase for the Just for Laughs Comedy Festival in Montreal. The JFL Festival is pretty prestigious, so this is a big deal for the comics participating: Jason Weems, Justin Schelgel, Erin Jackson, Mike Way, Chris Coccia, Tony Woods, Matt Kazam, Sean Savoy, Aparna Nancherla, Larry XL, Jeff Maurer, Herbie Gill, Hampton Yount. Many of these comics have been featured here, because they’re funny, they’re constantly out performing to improve their act, and they’re poised for bigger things. I highly recommend that you make the time to check this one out.

By Ebony Kankam, special to We Love DC

This evening, President Barack Obama will enter our homes to deliver his first State of the Union address. In this speech the President will address some of the major problems our nation currently faces, as well as lay out a national plan to solve such problems.

The night will be filled with critiques of the President’s plan for a road to recovery as well as excitement to hear the President’s first State of the Union to a Joint Session of Congress. No matter what your political stance, make this year’s State of the Union a memorable one by watching it alongside of a group of friends or perfect strangers. From bingo games to open mics, there’s something for everyone.

Where: Busboys and Poets, 2021 14th St. NW
What: How do you feel President Obama is doing in office? What do you think are the real issues at hand in the current state of the nation? Share your perspective at a special open mic night, starting at 8 PM, followed by the President’s speech at 9.
When: 8 pm

Where: Z Lounge @ the Sports Club, 1170 22nd St. NW
What: Watch the State of the Union in a classy way. The night will start with a light fare reception (including 25 cent wings, $3 rail drinks and $4 rail drinks), and then will go on to the viewing of the State of The Union Address. Afterwards join an insightful discussion of what is most likely to be one of the most viewed presidential addresses.
When: 6-8pm Reception; Speech 9-10PM

Where: George, 3521 Prospect St. NW
What: Join media newcomer Daily Caller for a unique State of the Union Address experience. While watching the President’s speech viewers, will be able to participate in a host of interesting games. In one game viewers will take a drink every time President Obama states famous lines such as, “this will not be easy” or “bipartisan.”
When: The Party starts at 8pm.

Where: Ventnor Sports Café 2411 18th st NW
What: Watch the SOTU while enjoying $1 taco nights. Also, when viewers enter the bar they will be asked to pull a word out of the bowl. If that word is said during the speech you will be granted a $1 shot for you from the bar. Alcohol and politics go hand in hand.
When: 8 pm

Where: The Center for Global Development, 1800 Massachusetts Avenue NW, Third floor
What: The Center for Global Development will be hosting a game night! While watching the President talk about healthcare and bank fees, enjoy a politically-conscious SOTU bingo game.
When: 8-10pm

Where: around the DC metro area
What: Want to watch the President’s address with fellow neighbors? OFA has organized a neighborhood watch party. Log onto my.barackobama.com and sign up to attend a watch party in a nearby neighbor’s house.
When: 8pm

Where: Capitol Lounge, 2321 Pennsylvania Ave. SE
What: Enjoy 10 cent wings while watching the SOTU on flat screen.
When: 9pm till close

Where: Tortilla Coast, 400 1st st. SE
What: Enjoy a margarita while discussing this year’s SOTU with fellow political hubs.
When: 8pm

Whatever you do this evening, enhance your knowledge on some of our nation’s issues at hand. Happy viewing!

Ebony Kankam is a Junior public relations major at Howard University from Houston, TX.

I have a strange devotion to Kevin Smith. Maybe it stems from my dear friend in high school who kind of looked like him and was indeed a guy named Bob who didn’t say much. But my point is, it’s terribly exciting to me that he’s coming to Sixth & I Synagogue to do Q&A on April 22nd. Tickets go on sale via Ticketmaster to the general public on Friday the 29th, but there’s a presale on the 28th if you know the password. Which, by the way, is not that much of a password. I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you.

The Washington Times has a story today examining the relationship between DC Public Schools and Chartwells, the company providing school lunch/breakfast services. DCPS pays Chartwells nearly $30 million a year, but has a spotty track record for food quality and safety. The most disturbing incident was failure to warn school officials about a tortilla recall after serving those same tortillas to students in Racine, WI. 100 students from 5 schools became sick in connection to the recalled food.

The Slow Cook also recently spent a week in a DC Public School cafeteria kitchen, observing the food quality and preparation. While I agree with their overall premise that pre-cooked “beef crumbles” and nacho cheese heated up on a steamer table still in its plastic bag does not count as “fresh cooked” the way Michelle Rhee wants it to be, I think the real scandal is that so many schools don’t have kitchens in them and therefore couldn’t brown their own ground beef or cook their own vegetables if they wanted to. (And to be fair, The Slow Cook sees this as emblematic of a larger problem of school nutrition standards, and not an issue at DC Public Schools specifically.)

The owners of Landini Brothers Restaurant on King Street in Alexandria are opening  a new, private cigar lounge opening in Alexandria this spring. Landini Brothers had previously been cigar-friendly until the Virginia smoking ban. It will include all of what you’d expect from a private cigar club with a $5000 membership fee- private humidor lockers, special house cigar blend, state-of-the-art ventilation system, etc. as well as more contemporary features like free WiFi. But there’s also the decidedly retrograde “all female waitstaff” on the list of amenities. Way to embrace the stereotype, guys.

I know, it’s still only mid-January and it’s a little early to be thinking about Valentine’s Day, but if you are someone who would consider learning exotic dance as a gift for your mate, you probably want to get started so you can practice. Born2Dance Studio in Vienna is offering workshops in exotic dance in advance of Valentine’s Day, 2 hours each for $45.

The workshops will not be pole oriented, and high heels are optional. And if exotic dance isn’t really what you’re after, there’s always belly dance to try out.

Rob “Deuce Bigalow” Schneider will be appearing at the DC Improv June 11-13. In my world, this is secret code for “go watch local comedy instead that week.”

Tom: I’m back in class once again, so I have a feeling that this weekend will be all about reading books and writing responses.  I do know, however, that Saturday night I’ve been invited by Chevy to go test drive a Volt over at RFK Stadium, so tune in on Sunday to see my impressions of driving a “greener” hybrid around DC.  Sunday afternoon we’re off on a tour of Petworth, courtesy of The Prince himself, as we continue our hunt for a new place to live.

John: After a week out of town in the Studio, I’ll be back to hit up some shows and some grub. Friday night there’s a benefit concert for Haiti at the IOTA Club and Cafe in Arlington. Saturday night I’ll be hitting up dinner at Ulah Bistro and then follow that by checking out Thievery Corporation at the 9:30 Club on their five (?) night stand there.

Rachel: Got quite a weekend in store — seeing the Savoir Adore, Ra Ra Rasputin & Bellflur concert at Velvet Lounge on Friday, catching up with old friends over tacos and margaritas at Guapos in Tenleytown (I don’t care what anyone says, Guapos food > Cactus Cantina’s while Guapos margaritas are slightly inferior to that of the delicous concoctions at Cactus) on Saturday, and then the Sunday finale that includes hitting up the Contanier Store/Best Buy in Tenley and a stop in Friendship Heights (World Market anybody?!?!?) for a few final items to complete my semi-new apartment followed by the NFL Playoffs double feature at Chef Geoff’s with a supermug of Yuengling in hand.

‘Happy Sunday!’
courtesy of ’staceyviera’

Kirk: This weekend, I’m going to be spending most of Saturday in the Eastern Market area, moseying about and eating various foods.  This is becoming a regular activity for me.  That evening I’ll be off to see the Capitals (look for a summary here, shortly thereafter) and on Sunday, I’m planning on finally getting out to try Meat in a Box, in Falls Church.  I’m really exciting.

Rebecca: Friday I’m hoping to catch Crazy Heart at Landmark’s E-Street theater and then catch a drink at The Passenger. Saturday will be uber low key with some gym time and running some long overdo errands. If I have some spare time, catching La Liga and/or Premiere League soccer and a rueben at Breadsoda will definitely be added to the agenda.  Sunday, I’m heading to Ping Pong Dim Sum for brunch, where I’ll feast on tasty shrimp shu mai and sip tea. Afterward, I’ll check out the American History Museum, particularly The Star-Spangled Banner: The Flag That Inspired the National Anthem exhibit.

Don: For the most part this weekend is dedicated to trying to finally kick this craptacular sinus infection once and for all. If I rally a bit, however, I might go catch Mike Daisey’s The Last Cargo Cult at Woolly. I saw it in preview last year when Daisey was still working on it but the BYT writeup of it leads me to believe that a number of things in it have changed since then. Beyond that, the only non-couch activity I might engage in is a little spin around the rink at Pentagon Row or, preferably, the National Gallery. Weather permitting, of course.

The Daily Beast has been crunching numbers to come up with a list of America’s 75 Worst Commutes, and surprising exactly no one, our own Capital Beltway came in at #3.

But what actually did kind of surprise me was the “expert’s opinion” quote they came up with to go with it:

“It’s a rough road,” says Adam Tuss, transportation reporter for WTOP 103.5. “It has lots of twists and turns, people speed on it and it’s got a lot of slow points too. It’s certainly not a freeway without its challenges.”

Really? That’s the best explanation anyone could come up with? It has fast-and-slow points? It’s twisty? Not the fact that it’s 5 lanes across in places and the exit patterns are constantly changing? Or that there’s pretty much no useful alternative to it if you’re trying to get between Maryland and Virgina?

The Nissan Leaf Tour is coming to DC next week so Nissan can show off their new, all-electric, zero-emission* car to one of the most traffic-choked regions in the country during the DC Auto Show. To celebrate, they’ve given us an eco-auto prize pack to give away via Twitter. You can win:

1 – Nissan Leaf tour t-shirt
1 – $150 TerraPass.com gift certificate
1 – Eco Touch car cleaning kit ($49.99 value)

Here’s how to enter:

You have to follow We Love DC on Twitter (so we can DM you for details on shipping your prize).  Then tweet something that mentions @welovedc, @nissanevs, and the #leaftour hashtag.

The winner will be chosen on January 25th.

*Zero-emission, unless the power plant the electricity comes from is coal-based, which most of them around here are.