This post on washingtondc.craigslist.org might actually make me brave the Zipcar/Felxcar system that others keep yapping about, if only to avail myself of a condom machine now out in Hyattsville for my already beer-fridge-equipped DC bachelor pad

Condom machines – $5

Reply to: sale-179729709@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-07-08, 2:02PM EDT

LifeStyle brand condom machines, 12 in all, $5 each or all 12 for $50. Good condition, still operate, keys included. Please don’t ask a bunch of questions about them; I don’t know where to get the condoms for them and I haven’t used them for a long time. Either buy them for novelty use or know what you want to do with them already. Must pick up.

This is in or around Hyattsville, MD

Wait! I just checked Froogle and condom vending machines retail for $350+ which makes this post not only humors, but also financially appealing.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Photo by DC Metroblogger

Take a quick look at this sign I saw on L Street NW. What does it say to you?

“Free shoe shine + dry cleaning in 30 minutes”

or

“Free shoe shine with dry cleaning, $30 minimum”

I thought the former until I went in and asked. 30 minute dry cleaning would be such an amazing convenience for those lunchtime food spills.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Photo by DC Metroblogger

It’s late, almost midnight on a school night. The drinks are draining away the day’s sobriety. Talk is cheap, therefore plentiful. And then it happens. The UNO gauntlet is thrown:

“I could so take you in UNO!”
“Ya wanna bet?”
“Yeah, bar tab, best of five games!”
“You’re on! Now we only need an UNO deck..”

Out comes the phone, and Google SMS to the rescue. All CVS and Rite Aids in DC that are open are called and checked for UNO availability.

A short cab ride to the 24 hour Rite Aid at 1815 Connecticut Avenue NW and $7.29 + tax later, the bet is on.

Winner? Who do you think!

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Safeway has decided to make over a few of its Northern Virginia stores to be a little more upscale. They’ve changed the lighting to be a bit more subdued, added more color, occasional hardwood floorings, and changed the way that their checkout stands look. Their target is Wegman’s, whose grocery experience is the gold standard for shopping. Stores are stylish, comfortable and cavernous and staffed with people who actually like their jobs (it’s the #2 company in the US to work for)

Sadly, the new Safeway on Route 7 just doesn’t measure up. When I went to pick up a few things, I was surprised at how long the lines were for the checkout. Sure, it was 7pm, prime shopping time, but the new Safeway only had three registers open, and about 30 people in line.

Guys. You can put lipstick on the pig, you can dress it up, but until you make the investment in good staff, and more of them, people are going to be pissed off because they had to wait to buy some OJ and cat food.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

DC artist Mark Jenkins is back with a new set of street art that has real people wondering who the fake people are.

Better yet, Mark even upgraded to video of the human/art interactions so we can all have a good laugh.

I only wish I were lucky enbough to see his work in situ. I’d have me some good fun with his human traffic cone.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Really, how lazy I ask. This is the country where people get in fights over a parking space 10 feet closer to the door. Where I see spry folks taking elevators to the second floor and we drive anywhere father than the mailbox (and I bet some of you have even done that!).

As a result, we have a national obesity epidemic; 65 percent of U.S. adults are either overweight or obese and heart disease and diabetes kill 30% of the population. And what great inventions have we developed in this climate of abject laziness?

Photo by DC Metroblogger

May I present the apex of lazy – the Segway rickshaw!

Now even the tiring concept of standing, much less actually walking, is eliminated for greater access to our nation’s monuments by the sidewalk SUV.

Move aside careful pedestrian, run in the road healthy jogger, we are the Segway sidewalk SUV tourists, so lazy, so corpulent we cannot even lean forward to effect movement.

Next up, the Segway rickshaw with attached keg and Super Sized Happy meal deal express – ride the Mall then get a double bypass on the way home!

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Two days after the Crime Emergency (should there be an exclamation point there?) is announced, the Post is following up on their earlier look at Mall Robberies:

The attacks on the Mall happened beneath a stand of cherry trees late Tuesday, when the robbers pounced twice along the south slope of the Washington Monument. The holdups followed three highly publicized robberies in May in another area of the Mall where violence had been rare. No arrests have been made in the earlier cases, and police said yesterday that the same people might be responsible.

With the Mall under siege, the murder and robbery and assault rates significantly higher than they’ve been, does this mean we’ll finally, as a community begin to address the root issues of crime in DC? Are we going to start talking about family cohesion? Failing schools? Poverty? Abuse? Drugs?

Maybe.

Adrian Fenty has put up his Public Safety brief (PDF) and Linda Cropp has displayed hers as well (HTML), but both seem to be heavy on community policing, and emergency response instead of dealing with crime at its root levels. Marie Johns’ website doesn’t seem to acknowledge we even have a crime problem, which is a shame. Her blog also hasn’t been updated since the end of June, which is also a shame.

Should we be looking to the leadership of the city for answers about crime? Or should we be looking back into our community for the answers?

Discuss.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

El Train iPod Ad

Originally uploaded by tbridge.

Just be glad, metro riders, that you’ll not see on your commute something so hideous as this El Train car in Chicago. I asked my friend Joseph what he thought, and he said it was “whorish” to do that to the trains.

Me, I’m just all we have to deal with is news anchorcritters and chevy chase bank for now.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

photo courtesy of cassetteject

Capitol Weather provided a link to this Washington Post chat about makeup options and strategies for dealing with the heat and mugginess and I made it about 5 paragraphs before my head was spinning. Holy frijole you women lead complicated lives!

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

When Tiffany bought me a hot lather shave from The Grooming Lounge for my birthday last year, I said, “Wow! Awesome!” and then promptly never got around to scheduling the appointment. With our vacation upon us, I figured, what better way to start a grand adventure with a good shave?

I made my appointment on Friday last week, and marched into the Grooming Lounge just after noon. Their well appointed lobby looks more like an upscale drug store featuring all manner of shaving gear, from mortar and brush to razors to all manner of lathers and creams and aftershaves and colognes. The dark wood panelling and leather appointments are reminiscent of so many Washington backrooms, it feels immediately upscale, and the very attentive staff wants to make sure that you’re comfortable.

The hot lather shave is the crown jewel of the Grooming Lounge’s repertoire, even if they offer a full suite of other services including manicures and pedicures and barbery. Give them 30 minutes, and they’ll run through the whole experience. Hot towels, face wash, and an amazing shave by a man who’s been a barber since 1970. Paul took amazing care of me, giving me the best shave I’ve ever had. Sure, it cost $50 plus tip, but boy was it worth it. My face hasn’t ever been this smooth.

Make sure to double check your appointment, though, there was some confusion about when I was supposed to be there, even though I had the appointment confirmed by phone the day before. They did get things straightened out, but it was a bit of a distraction. If you don’t have the desire to go in for the full experience, they do offer their line of beard and shave products and grooming tools via their online store.

The Grooming Lounge (DC)
1745 L St NW, DC

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

photo by maxedaperture

For those of us who fly often, we love our frequent flyer programs and horde points till we reach the lofty “elite” levels of as many as possible.

There is even a whole subculture of mileage runs, flights taken just to garner more points. Don’t believe me? Check out FlyerTalk.com, a website devoted to just that.

FlyerTalk also gives great feedback on new airline services and destinations, introducing me to my new favorite name for Dulles using its IAD airport code: International Airport of the Damned.

This week FlyerTalk broke the news that United would be offering their elite flyers their own security checkpoints. From the
“>FlyerTalk entry:

Beginning July 11, 2006 Washington Dulles will introduce two new security checkpoints exclusively for first, business and elite travelers and their families or travel companions. With shorter lines and wait times, getting through security will be quicker and easier. For your convenience, one elite lane will be available on the east side of the terminal near the United ticket counter. A second elite lane will be located on the west side of the terminal.

As an elite flyer, I was ecstatic, now I could zip through the lines like I do at DCA, cutting my pre-flight work departure time by at least 30 minutes. But we’re talking the International Airport of the Damned here, and today FlyerTalk has an update:

The opening of the new elite security lanes at Washington Dulles has been temporarily delayed. We will bring you more information as it becomes available.

Ugh, back to the proletarian line we go.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Photo by DC Metroblogger

Check out these marigolds. Note that some are growing tall, achiving heights and beauty, while others are slacking, still short and droopy, like when the hardworking NPS guys planted the green stuff in McPherson Square.

I wonder what makes one set of marigolds grow taller than the other? Would it be nature, they are just taller plants, or could it be nurture, they have better soil and light/water combo.

This being Washington DC, I think there should be a study on it, some partisan bickering on Capitol Hill, and of course an association just for park-planted marigolds.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

July is on pace to be one of the city’s deadliest on record. Between the murder of Gov. Warner’s former intern, and of the handicapped former mayoral candidate, Police Chief Charles Ramsey has declared a Crime Emergency for the District, which primarily allows commanders to cancel leaves and lengthen shifts as the wave hits its peak.

Ramsey also has announced increase police presence and patrols throughout the city with hopes to quell some of the recent rises in robberies, assaults and, of course, murders.

Crime Emergency? Is it really that much of a surprise that it happens every July?

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

It is early, pre-dawn even, quiet and clear
Into this life, into my sleep, a buzzing comes to my ear
What is that sound, that obnoxious call?
Why it’s the fire alarms calling from down the hall

Wake up it calls to me impatiently
Is there smoke to smell or see?
No, no, there is not even a hint of fire,
Whoever pulled the alarm is a liar

The pillow I pull over my head
Sleep I need, I feel like the dead
Damn, what is that new and louder sound?
Its fire trucks coming from across town

Will they go door to door?
Making me leave my once quiet floor
No, they know this is a false alarm
Where the instigator will come to great harm

I know if I find the assholian perpetrator
I will beat him senseless with a refrigerator
Who would pull an alarm at 5 in the morning?
Is his life that worthless and boring?

No matter, sleep will not return to me
So evil and sick thoughts I think of he
Or if many, the whole gaggle of jerks
But at least we know the new fire alarm works

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Tickets for the Capital Fringe Festival are now on sale!

A first for Washington, the Festival will run July 20-30, with performance locations scattered around downtown. As noted by the Post last year, it’s the brainchild of Damian Sinclair, Woolly Mammoth’s director of marketing, who wondered what might happen if DC had a fringe festival along the lines of Edinburgh’s wild and famous event, which is over 50 years old.

Checking out the website, the options may be a bit overwhelming (“more than 400 performances in over 30 venues within 11 days!”), but that’s really the point of a fringe festival – you can jump right in as much or as little as you want, and chances are you’ll see more experimental theater and performing arts than you might normally, with ticket prices kept low to encourage maximum exposure.

Daily happy hours July 21-29 will be held at Poste at 5:30pm by the fringe team to help pull potential audience members together and give them tips on how to best explore the many options. Also, Avenue will host HOTSPOTs, the opening and closing parties on July 20 and 29 from 9pm on.

I’m definitely going to try to catch some over those ten days, especially the “Pop Up Dances” which will happen all over. Will DC be able to match the insanity of Edinburgh? Probably not likely its first time out, but you never know. I certainly hope that over time the Capital Fringe Festival will grow into a world-class crazy-ass drama carnival!

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Photo by DC Metroblogger

After a month hiatus, where work sent me off to study hot Computex Sales Girl Soft Porn, I came back to DC to find my kickball team absent.

And we’re not talking a few players missing here or there, we’re talking the whole damn team. Guess how many Morally Casual players showed up for tonight’s game?

Yeah, just me.

There I was, all alone when I was viciously attacked by the opposing team, We Kick Balls, who came in mass and kicked my balls.

Oh the agony of defeat, the despair of forfeiture, the loss at flip cup. I will now hang my head in shame.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

So, Kelly Ann Collins is supposed to be the Socialite Blogger Queen, but other DC Blogger Circumlocutor seems to think she’s more like a cut rate Paris Hilton:

Back to circumlocutor’s initial question of whether (or not) we live in the same city…for which the answer is “yes.” The reason: I (now) understand/realize who KAC is….she and several of the other (area) boozehound bloggers are the vapid 20-something blondes knocking over 80-year old women en route to the Social Safeway check-out. They are the dum dums screaming on cell phones in Citibank or (nearly) crushing toes when their colossal SUVs leave the tiny streets of Georgetown and enter the sidewalks.

Yikes.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

The life of an itinerant technologist means that I spend a good amount of time circumnavigating our local highways and roads. Most of the time, I switch back and forth between WTOP and WTWP, the Post’s new radio station. I can take or leave their morning and early afternoon crew, but I generally find Bob Kur to be an interesting host, and so I tune in. Sadly, he’s somewhere else in the rotation and local hack Bob Levey is in his place.

I was surprised when Bob Levey brought on Howard Kurtz to talk about today’s article on YouTube, as I’m pretty sure the closest that Levey gets to a computer is asking his secretary to dictate an email. Kurtz had some interesting points, but they were often obscured by Levey’s pet project to pooh-pooh the blog as a whole, and of course, those of us who enjoy blogging and find it to be a good alternative to the media.

What surprised me most, though, was that Levey wasn’t taking phonecalls. I punched in the number, pressed one to get connected to the studio, only to get the “We’re not taking phonecalls right now. Please hang up and try back later.” Odd. Wonder if they’re working on the lines?

As Levey had Gene Weingarten (I think Updated 23 July 11pm: It was Gene Robinson.) on to talk about Ken Lay Lives and several other related sites that are crafting excellent humor content out of Ken Lay’s death. To which Levey says, “Don’t they have anything better to do?”