As I was riding home from last night’s Nationals game, I found myself reading HomeStand, the rag paper handed out at Stadium/Armory Metro and along the sidewalks leading up to RFK Stadium. In the paper there was an article on the genesis of Screech, our new fluffy mascot, where it was revealed that he (?) is the bastard love child of Slapshot and Youppi!
That’s right, kids, Screech is not only a cross-breed between and eagle and a….a…a…thing, but worse still, Youppi! split town looking for other work before Screech was even hatched! Rumor has it that in addition to being the first mascot tossed from a baseball game, he’s also bisexual.
Folks, we’d best not let the Faith and Family Council hear about this, or poor Screech will be ostracized. But in the meanwhile…can I just say? What. The. Fuck. Who thought this would be a good idea? I mean, I’m glad we didn’t go the back alley abortion route, that would’ve just been wrong, but who says that just because it’s some other local mascot’s kid that it has to be our mascot? Couldn’t we at least have considered some other Eagle for the job? I mean, Sam the Eagle has to be looking for work, he hasn’t had a gig since the LA Olympics were done, or maybe we’d be better off going to the other Sam the Eagle instead. I don’t know, but if I worked in the Nats front office, this has got PR nightmare written all over it: nepotism, bastardy, out-of-wedlock children, genetic-engineering…
This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs