Damnable Kickball


Kickball. Fun pastime or Scourge of the District? To hear the Anti Yuppie Kickball Guerilla Front tell it, you’d think that Kickball was the favored activity of all manner of evils from Napoleon’s Imperialism and European Fascism through to modern Islamist Terrorism. Check out their charge to battle:

Think of those eyes now turning to you my friends each time you hear that whistle and the whack of an adult foot on a rubber playground ball. What do those eyes tell you when the asshole-parade of rainbow shirts suddenly crowds into your holy places of drink and real camaraderie? What will you say to your children whom you allowed to be so cowed by the yuppie class war that they whine about your feet and cannot begin to function without a social life you had Fedexed for them from China? I’ll tell you your answer! I say NO! NO! NO to the Reebok boot of chump-hood against the neck of our future! NO to the gentrified repackaging and reduction of our heritage to predetermined color-codes. NO to this flight from reality back to little-league baseball insulation! And God Damnit NO to this invasion stupefying lock-step collectivism into our beer-flowing foundries of revolutionary thought!

Folks, this site is an epic masterpiece of Kickball-hatred the likes I haven’t seen since my friend John was picked last for Kickball in the fourth grade. The tirade that he spouted, aged up to his current near-thirty vocabulary, looks remarkably similar to the screed of the new Guerilla Front. Check out their methods of operation, or tell them that your hatred of kickball is best described as an 18-wheeler packed with starved wolves.

Viva la revoluciòn!

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

I live and work in the District of Columbia. I write at We Love DC, a blog I helped start, I work at Technolutionary, a company I helped start, and I’m happy doing both. I enjoy watching baseball, cooking, and gardening. I grow a mean pepper, keep a clean scorebook, and wash the dishes when I’m done. Read Why I Love DC.

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