Alrighty, folks, we’re here for yet another week of 24 in DC. I think we’re headed outside again this week, so we’re excited to present yet another version of the live chat during the episode, and round-up after the fact! Here we go!
The Senator is still dead, in case you were wondering. And there’s no sign of Bauer. Except for that bulldozer he ran over the murderer with last week.
Moss and Junction Jack have a pissing contest about whose fault it is that Jack supposedly killed the Senator, and finally Junction Jack just looks tired.
Tony Alameda and Jack Bauer trade exposition, in flagrant violation of DC cellphone laws.
The First Dude is awake, and the President tells him that yay! Li’l Taylor has come home and accepted the cushy job offer as “Special Advisor.”
Junction Jack informs the President that Bauer has allegedly killed the Senator. Displaying more critical thinking skills than anyone else up to this point, the President is not totally credulous. But then Junction Jack resigns to protect the president from his bad decision to let Bauer loose. So… a cover for being an agent for Starkwood? The last time Bob Gunton played a good guy was when he was playing… well, Junction Jack on Greg the Bunny, so that’s where my money is.
Tony and Jack made it from the middle of DC to the Port of Alexandria in 10 minutes. Riiiiiight. Considering the Port of Alexandria is a little wooden dock, I have no trouble believing there’s only one guard. But oh no, he’s talking to his wife, who is pregnant with twins. That means nameless Port Authority Guard is not going to survive the episode.
Angelina’s daddy is talking to a guy who sounds like he’s from Bal’mer. Or Pittsburgh. Did you hear him ask if he could stand “dahn?” Then there’s an old white guy shouting match in the Starkwood board meeting- Cooperate with President Taylor! Don’t cooperate? Are you suuuuuure you didn’t have the Senator murdered? And look at Daddy Jolie getting all affronted at the implication.
Tony and Jack are talking to Disposable Security Guard, who apparently thought he was just helping smuggle Wiis in from South Korea. He didn’t know he was helping terrorists! As the terrorists arrive, DSG makes a nice speech about how expensive it is to pay for fertility treatments, apparently to make us feel bad for him when he inevitably ends up in a bullet-riddled heap on the dock.
DSG tries not to let on how nervous he is talking to the terrorists. Except he FAILS, and the guy starts interrogating him, finally demanding that he get in the car and take a ride to the container. Which, at the real port of Alexandria, would be about TEN FEET AWAY.
We’re back to Junction Jack, talking to Li’l Taylor, who is apologizing for being difficult. JJack then lectures Li’l Taylor on having an excess of ambition, which of couse goes in one ear and right on out the other.
This week’s “OH SNAP!” has been awarded to Li’l Taylor, for being the leak all along!
Commercial AGAIN, gawd. But I guess is the only chance the characters have to go to the bathroom.
Agent Moss is actually allowing EVIDENCE to challenge his ASSUMPTIONS. WHEN DID THIS BECOME CSI, DAMMIT? And Freckles is practically collecting apologies from bullheaded men this season. Good for her. Finally, she gives it up that Jack was chasing down a Starkwood lead when the Senator was murdered.
Back to the Port, this time with Dramatic Music! The terrorists are truly fierce, as they risk the wrath of the dockworkers’ union by moving their own cargo. OH NO, we knew it! Disposable Security Guy is gonna get… disposed of.
But no! Jack shoots the terrorist, since after all, it’s been nearly a whole episode since he’s iced someone. He was starting to get twitchy. Of course, now, there’s the mess of the other terrorists to deal with.
YES! MACHINE GUN FIGHT!
Look at all these shipping containers and forklifts you can learn to use to get a job if you click here now. The real Port of Alexandria would collapse under this weight. Tony gets caught, but Jack is already in the truck, escaping.
Jack calls Larry! Jack tells him he’s on “highway 236, exit 29.” 236 is Duke Street, basically, so that’s not so implausible, but there’s not so much “exits” on 236 as there are “left and right turns.”
Jack jumps into the back of the truck WITH THE BIOWEAPON, but you see, he is unharmed, because he HELD HIS BREATH. The terrorists approach and start shooting, so Jack runs across the deserted highway, abandoning the cover of the truck, because they’ll NEVER hit him that way. *eyeroll*
Jack informs Larry that he’s abandoned the truck “about 7 miles before the weigh station.” Yeah, you know, the IMAGINARY weigh station on 236.
Oh, I guess Jack actually was exposed to the bioweapon. What a shame. I guess holding his breath didn’t do that much good after all.
Previews: Wet, nekkid Bauer action next week!
There was at one point when Junction Jack was in his office, he looked like he was about to do his Warden Norton impression.
“I’d like to think that the last thing that went through his head, other than that bullet, was to wonder how the hell Andy Dufresne ever got the best of him.”