It’s Official. The Expos are moving to Washington, DC for the 2005 season.
Now….anyone know anybody who wants to buy my car, so I can afford season seats?
Also, WTOP is running a contest for the best name for the new ballclub. Best name I’ve heard so far? Beltway Bandits.
(a tip of the digital bowler to Lisa for that one)

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Apparently, somebody spiked the Limeade at the Alexandria Country Day School today. In fact, it wasn’t limeade at all. It was Margaritas.
How is it that that mistake is at all possible in a school?

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

With Major League Baseball likely to announce the decision to move the Montreal Expos to DC today, there is talk of what the DC team should be called.
They were named the Expos after Expo 67, the World’s Fair held in Montreal 2 years before the expansion team was formed, so that name is no good for a DC team. And the Texas Rangers still own the Washington Senators name, so that’s no good.
Suggestions? It doesn’t have to be a name that translates into an obvious mascot- after all, look at the Philly Phanatic.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Touron season is over, but for anyone who has recently moved to the DC area, or anyone who is considering it, I present the following helpful navigational information, which I got in an email this morning:
First, you must learn to call it by its rightful name. It is D.C., or “the District.” Only tourists call it Washington.
Next, if your road map of Montgomery County is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. It’s obsolete. If in Loudoun or Fairfax County your map is one day old, it’s already obsolete.
There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in D.C. It’s just another chase, usually on the B/W Parkway.
All directions start with “The Beltway” . . . which has no beginning and no end, just one continuous loop that locals believe is somehow clarified by an “inner loop” and “outer loop” designation. This makes no sense to ANYONE outside the Beltway.
The morning rush “hour” is from 5 to 11 AM. The evening rush “hour” is from 1 to 8 PM. Friday’s rush hour starts Thursday morning, especially during the summer on Route 50 eastbound.
If there is a ball game at the Redskins stadium, there is no point in driving anywhere near PG County. Tip: Never say PG County to anyone from Mitchellville, Upper Marlboro or Fort Washington. They’ll blow a vessel in their neck and go into a seizure.
If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended and shot at. If you run the red light, be sure to smile for the $100 “picture” you will receive courtesy of DMV. (However, if you don’t go as soon as the light turns green, you will get cussed out in 382 languages, none of them English.)
Rain causes an immediate 50-point drop of IQ in drivers. Snow causes an immediate 100-point drop in IQ and a rush to the Giant for toilet paper and milk.
Construction on I-270 is a way of life and a permanent source of scorn and cynical entertainment. It’s ironic that it’s called an “Interstate,” but runs only from Bethesda to Frederick. (Unless you consider Montgomery County another state, which some do). Opening in the 60’s, it has been torn up and under reconstruction ever since. Also, it has a “Spur” section, which is even more confusing.
All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, “Oh, we’re in Takoma Park.”
If someone actually has their turn signal on, they are by definition, a tourist. Car horns are actually “Road Rage” indicators. Heed the warning. All old ladies in Buicks have the right of way in the area of Leisure World.
Many roads mysteriously change their names as you cross intersections. Don’t ask why, no one knows.
A taxi ride across town will cost you $12.50. A taxi ride two blocks will cost you 16.75. (It’s a zone thing, you wouldn’t understand)
Traveling south of DC on Interstate 395/95 is the most dangerous, scariest thing you will ever do. There is nothing more comforting then seven lanes of traffic cruising along at 85 mph, BUMPER TO BUMPER!!!
The minimum acceptable speed on the Beltway is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.
The Beltway is our daily version of a NASCAR reality show. Strap up and collect points as you go.
The open lane for passing on all Maryland and Virginia interstates is the far right lane because no self-respecting Marylander would ever be caught driving in the “slow” lane. Unofficially, both shoulders are fair game also.
The far left lanes on all Maryland and Virginia interstates are official “chat” lanes reserved for drivers who wish to talk on their cell phones.
Note: All mini-vans have priority clearance to use the far left at whatever speed the driver feels most comfortable multitasking in.
If it’s 10 degrees, it’s Orioles’ opening day. If it’s 110 degrees, it’s the Skins’ opening day.
If the humidity is 90+ and the temperature is 90+, then it’s May, June, July, August and sometimes September.
If you go to a Skins football game, pay the $75.00 to park in the stadium lot. It’s cheaper then getting towed or a citation. By law, you’re not allowed to walk on the “public” roads around the stadium during game days.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

This time, it’s a 5 months pregnant woman talking too loudly on her cell phone.
So, I hate loud cell phone talkers as much as the next person, but you’d think that since she was leaving the station while she was making the call, and since the call had ended before the officer bothered to approach her, maybe he didn’t really need to throw her on the ground and put a knee in her back.
And maybe it’s just my libertarian, tin foil hat-wearing principles that are offended here, but I shudder at the idea of the police being able to decide what is and is not “conducive to socially accepted standards of behavior.”

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Last night was the Gala Opening Concert of the 74th Season of the National Symphony Orchestra under the baton of Leonard Slatkin. What a magnificent concert last night. Joshua Bell, Itzhak Perlman, Midori, Elmar Olveira, the Labèque sisters, Michel Camilo, it was incredible. There was also the brand-new and specially commissioned piece by PDQ Bach (1802-1742?) for Leonard Slatkin to perform with Peter Schikele and Katia Labèque. Of course, DC’s Music Nazi, Tim Page, hated it.
I don’t think Tim Page really likes anything at all.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

So, I’ve got this beer in my fridge.
“But Tiff, you don’t drink beer!” I hear you say.
Which is why I’ve got beer in my fridge. I bought two six packs when I moved into the place, because I had pledges from several friends to come help me move. Everyone but Tom and the Wasyliks flaked, and since Dineen was nursing Alex, she chose not to partake. Tom and Mike drank one beer each.
It is now just over a year later. The beer is in brown and green bottles, so my beer experts tell me it’s still just fine. But I’m not going to drink it, and my aunt is coming to visit me next weekend.
You can see my dilemma- the last thing I need is for my mother’s eldest sister to notice that I keep beer and not a lot else in my fridge.
So, do any of you local people need some beer? All you have to do is pick it up.
Oh, and in case you’re wondering, the beer in question is 5 bottles of Sierra Nevada and 5 bottles of Sam Adams Summer Ale.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

The Post provides this handy graphic to show where the new baseball stadium will go in Anacostia if Major League Baseball gets off its collective ass and decides to move the Expos to DC. See the Post’s full coverage of DC baseball for more details.
There’s also talk of putting in a soccer stadium for the DC United right next to the Expos’ stadium. More power to ’em.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Someday, I want to have a house with a yard, if for no other reason than so that I too can have an 18-foot, bare-breasted, wooden mermaid in my yard.
I need to go see this. And I need to take my camera.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Metro is now training selected riders to help their fellow passengers pick their way through Metro tunnels, while avoiding the high-voltage railing, in case of a Metro emergency.
It sounds lovely and all, but I’m curious about how many of these Metro riders are actually going to carry their backpack of Metro-supplied safety equipment handy?

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Terrorism, metro failure, politicians, tourons. As if we didn’t have enough to worry about in DC, now we also have to worry about rabid bats.
Sigh.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

So, we’re coming up on election season here in the DC area, and that means all manner of wacky stuff is about to befall us all. However, if you want to profit from it, do a good deed for your community, and help sponsor democracy and free elections, there’s a good opportunity to help: Be a Poll Worker on Election Day.
It’s pretty easy, here’s more information:
The District (pays $100)
Arlington County (pays $130)
Fairfax County (pays $100)
Montgomery County (payment not listed)
PG County (pays $125)
So go out, register to be a poll judge, you get money, you foster democracy. Everyone wins.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs