Cell Phone Robbery

Seems the crazy NoVA crowd that thinks handguns = safety haven’t been to a Wachovia in a while. Else they could’ve stopped the best bank robbery gambit yet – the cell phone bank bandit.

Using her Samsung flip phone, a woman has knocked off four Wachovia’s in NoVA in recent weeks. Now I only wish I was a Letterman joke writer for this has comedy screaming to get out. What did she do, demand money or else talk louder and longer? She grab the teller’s phone and demand cash else she call Togo for two hours?

Nope, she apparently passed a note while still yapping, getting cash without even breaking up the conversation. The best comment from the Wash Post article:

He theorized that “maybe because she’s a woman, she feels less secure physically, and by talking to somebody, it makes her feel secure.” Or, Desroches added, “maybe she’s talking to her mother.”

Talking to her mother, eh? I wonder what she was saying?

Robber Mom, hi, I’m at the bank how much you want?
Mom Oh honey, you know me, as many 20′s as you can stuff in your bra
Robber Okay, you sure? I can get $50′s or $100′s – whatever you want
Mom No, that’s okay, it hard for me to tell dad those $100′s are from Bingo Night, and he likes the $20′s for his poker games
Robber Okay, I’m gonna get three handfuls today – last week those two handfuls didn’t go that far. I think they shorted me by adding $1′s and $5′s.
Mom Yeah, times are tough, these banks are getting cheap on you. Make sure you get good bills too – and no dye packets!
Robber Oh I hate those dye packets, they really stain my whites!

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Married, mortgaged, and soon to be a father, Wayan Vota is in the fast lane to mid-life respectability – until the day his brood finds his intimate journal of global traveling and curses him with the ever-eternal reply “I’m gonna be just like you, Dad!”

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