You know the one. The memo that says:
Dear Sir or Madam:
We’re writing you, the happy owner of a gas guzzling, overpriced, road hogging SUV. We hope that you’re truly enjoying your new vehicle and enjoying it to the fullest. By now you’ve gone through 100 tanks of gasoline, costing roughly $6,000, and you’re probably due for a new set of giant, noisy tires to go with that mammoth vehicle of yours. We know we shouldn’t encourage this, but we’re sure you’ve found the hidden benefit of being able to cut people off without worry, as you know they’ll get out of your way. God save them if they don’t. We know, it makes driving down the toll road such a pleasure.
But by all means, we really hope you’ve put that battle ready tank to the test and taken it offroad like it was intended. We didn’t engineer this thing to take your selfish ass from your oversized home to work and back, or to simply go to Tyson’s Corner to buy some new D&G sunglasses. We designed this thing to be able to drive on the moon! So we’re glad to see that you got the memo, and have been thoroughly enjoying your giant hunk of steel. Good on you!
PS – We see that you’ve also read through the manual on how to park your POS too. Congrats! Take up as many spaces as possible because it’s your God given right. Have you installed a gun rack yet? If not, you should see an accessory catalog in your mailbox shortly.
This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs