On a Scale of Zero to Sucktacular, I would put Kz’s House of Talent near the top of that scale. Their “comedy contest” tonight at Floyd’s (the best description of Floyd’s is that it’s a TGI Fridays that’s had its soul sucked out) was the single biggest entertainment lie I’ve been told since they tried to pass off Baltimore as DC in this summer’s Die Hard. I was expecting a great slate of comedians. I didn’t make it past the Emcee.

For my $10, I got the world’s worst DJ, a sound system that didn’t work, strobe lights that made me wonder if we were in a bad rave, and two R&B “acts” that could only charitably told to find day jobs and keep them. I felt really bad for the “opener” on the night, Mike Blejer, who was really quite funny, when the crowd could hear him. Sadly, the guys running the sound system were either deaf or unable to notice that the entire crowd at Floyd’s was asking them to turn it up. The representative for KZ’s House of “Talent” foisted her acts on us without warning, despite the event being advertised as a comedy night. They were so bad, I thought about going to the bathroom to hang myself, or using my fork to put holes in my eardrums.

Putting Blejer, who won the Improv’s Comedy Showcase in September, on in front of a dead crowd who couldn’t hear him was the first strike. The second strike was the really shitty R&B acts. I came to see comedy, not bad music in entertaining LED-blinking glasses. The third was the emcee. I understand that comedy is about laughs. I understand that not everything a comedian says on stage is true and actually fact. But that’s no reason to get up there and bag on your girlfriend for a good solid ten minutes. You don’t have to go right for the “my girlfriend so fat…” jokes.

That’s when I found out that my friend who was performing hadn’t been given a performance order, and had to pay part of the cover charge, that’s when we bailed. Don’t go to Kz’s events. You’ll just be annoyed that you spent money for nothing.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

“A D.C. police officer confessed in court today that, while responding to a false alarm at a Northeast Washington home in August, he swiped the owner’s credit card from a credenza while she was gone and tried to rack up thousands of dollars in charges.”

We’ve got enough problems in this town without the cops ending up as the bad guys. Apparently, the cop was also dumb enough to use his home phone as the number he called from to change her PIN, which was how he got caught. He used it at several area ATMs, on tape no less, so this was a pretty much slam-dunk case.

Between this guy and the questions being asked about the off-duty cops who shot that kid in the back in Southeast, one has to ask some serious questions about the MPD. Where the hell are you guys hiring?!

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse at the corner of Upshur Street and New Hampshire Avenue. That the Petworth Eyesore at 4143 New Hampshire Avenue NW couldn’t take it to that next level of ugly, it has.

Petworth Eyesore Photos

Look at the Petworth Eyesore now. Notice anything missing? Like say a front porch?

Granted, the original porch wasn’t much to look at, but at least it was a porch so it matched the neighbourhood. Now the house, porchless, looks naked.

Here, take another look at the household degradation of a once majestic edifice. At this point, I only wish the contractor would go bankrupt and sell the house to a developer that would bulldoze and start new.

The house is well beyond saving now. And I’m not just talking about the porch, which was my last straw. Just look at the half-assed chimney. Now doesn’t that say “fire hazard” to you? It says melted vinyl siding and a housing code violation to me.

And maybe to the DCRA too. The Petworth eyesore trash is full of fresh PVC piping torn out to put a shower box in. Seems that the unlicensed plumber’s work wasn’t up to standards either.

Anybody got a sledgehammer, or better yet, a wrecking ball? I wanna set my own standards now.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

photo via Consumerist

Continuing my posting run of crap-I-saw-on-the-internet, Consumerist today has a post talking about a DC reader’s cellphone bill. They claim it’s a luxury tax, though considering that Fenty carries multiple cellular devices that seems not to jibe with his definition of “luxury.” A commenter on their thread says that it’s a straight up utility tax which would be 10% for residentials and 11% for commercial, however.

The only problem with that is that from what we see of the existing bill it would seem to be $60 in old charges, $30 in new charges and then that almost $9 fee… which ain’t 10% of $30 by a factor of 3. I don’t have an AT&T bill handy so I don’t know – do “usage charges” break out separate from basic fees? $60 in base fees plus $30 in usage could make that $90 taxable, making the 10% number work.

I’ll admit to getting a chuckle from one of their other commenters saying “People from DC should still be operating under the 20 year moratorium that denies them the right to complain about anything relating to local government as a result of re-electing a crack head like Marion Barry.”

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Image lifted from the Guardian video

If you’re not a regular Boing Boing reader you might not have seen this post linking to a Guardian video of Dutch magician Wouter Bijdendijk – in his stage persona of Ramana – supposedly levitating in front of the White House.

Nothing on WaPo about it, or at least no hits on Bijdendijk or Ramana, so it could be bogus. Well-assembled if it’s fake, however.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Wayan’s DC Photos

On any other day but today, I am always amazed at the number and variety of motorcycles lined up on M Street NW just before Connecticut Avenue.

Like the motorcycle parking at McPherson Square, the M Street lot attracts all types of bikes, from crotch-rockets to scooterists. Enough kinetic sculptures to temp anyone to ride.

But I do wonder about motorcyclists on rainy days. What happens to them then? Is it back to the Metro or cars, do they get rides with others, or is precipitation a good excuse to go back to bed?

For me, in this weather, its the latter, no matter the beauty of the bike. Because, of course, its all about the hair.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

The good news is that rain is likely through the week till Saturday. The bad news is that rain is likely through the week till Saturday.

The warmth of an oddly over-long October summer (not to be confused with The September that Never Ended) has finally given way to a slow-moving cold front coming up from the south, bringing much-needed rain to relieve the drought, and gray and gloomy days for the rest of the work-week. This may well be the front that finally ushers in Fall for real — but then that’s what we thought the last time the temperatures dropped.

So have an umbrella handy, and break out the light sweaters. If you haven’t gotten a flu shot yet, schedule it up — colder temperatures can mean lower immune resistance and more people crowding into indoor spaces where a cough or a sneeze is more likely to catch you. Wash hands often and don’t touch your nose or mouth before washing. Use an extra paper towel to open public restroom doors from the inside. Germs. They’re everywhere. Bring your own utensils to restaurants, too. Keep a strong alcohol-based hand sanitizer on you at all times. And wear tissue boxes on your feet. Yes, yes, that’ll keep those microbes away!

Ahem.

As always, Capital Weather is on top of things, and the NWS Northeast Radar Mosaic lets you obsessively keep track of precipitation as it moves up the coast.

Also a good time to stock up on hot chocolate. Heat will kill germs.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Wonkette alerts us to a bloody-handed protester attempting to smear Condi Rice with fake blood just before a House Foreign Affairs Committee hearing today, only to be dragged off by security.

This immediately got me wondering whether the protester in question, named Desiree Farooz, is local. A quick search shows that she isn’t, as she was previously interviewed on SHALOMSALAAMPEACE as being bused in by Code Pink from Texas. Now we know what she was on that bus for.

This is where I nod my head to Wayan’s beat.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Friend-of-MBDC Mike needs your help! He’s got a suit that needs to be altered by Saturday morning, preferably by a tailor in Northern Virginia (he lives in Falls Church), but DC is an option also if they’re especially fast. In a suit-oriented place like this, surely some of you have an opinion.

Anyone have a recommendation for a good tailor who can do a rush job? Mike is well aware that you can generally only have two out of “good, fast, and cheap.”

My personal favorite is the formalwear shop in Shirlington- they did a fantastic job on my wedding clothes.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Well, it’s really got to suck to be Roy Pearson. First, your pants gets lost, and you have to file a ridiculously wrong $54 million suit. Second, you go to trial, and lose, over that very same suit. Third, you may be out of a job entirely before long, thanks in now small part to your suit.

Never mind all the resources Pearson wasted in that trial, and all the man-hours of local media outfits associated with it, what about the guy’s job?

Should Pearson stay on the bench, or should he get run out of town on a rail?

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Double rush hour whammy on the Red Line tonight:

1. Track flaws on a 39-foot section of rail necessitate reduced speeds between Medical Center and Friendship Heights, causing a mild cascade of delays in both directions.
2. More urgently, smoke in Union Station prompted an evacuation and closure in both directions, with shuttle buses being called in between Judiciary Square and New York Ave stations.

I got to Metro Center around 6:30PM, saw the trains backed up and the platforms getting crowded, and opted to try and catch a bus home. Murphy’s Law kicked in as soon as I got to E Street, just in time to see my bus leave the station, crammed full — so I set out on foot, having to switch sides almost every other block for one “Sidewalk Closed” construction sign after another, and catching pretty much every Don’t Walk pedestrian light between Metro Center and Capitol Hill.

I eventually made it home, passing one of Metro’s backup shuttle buses at Judiciary Square, crammed full of cross-looking commuters, its LCD sign naturally saying “NOT IN SERVICE.”

Good luck and godspeed tonight, Red Line riders. I hope you can all make it home speedily.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

image courtesy of WaPo

No, this is not some uninformed anti-globalization rant. (side note: Firefox’s dictionary doesn’t have “globalization” – talk about blissful ignorance!) This is an anti-telephone rant. Specifically, telephone calls from WaPo.

One of the few persistent conflicts my darling girlfriend and I have had through our relationship has been over one of my favorite rituals: Sunday morning with the newspaper. It’s just not a relaxing weekend till I’ve spent an hour or three with some a lot of coffee and the paper.

The problem is that my dear dislikes sales calls in general and repeated “upgrade” calls in particular. And there’s no more sure-fire way to get WaPo to call you and ask for money than to give them a taste of it by opting for the Sunday-only option. They’re pretty clear that you don’t get to subscribe without harassing calls – phone number is a mandatory bit of information to subscribe. So since I’m the household luddite who prefers his news to leave black stains on my fingertips where my darling girlfriend is an online reader, it didn’t seem fair to ask her to suffer for my obsession. So if I didn’t want to scare up 6 quarters and walk a quarter mile to the machine I lived without my newspaper.

Solution? AIM digits, AOL’s new venture into online telephony for those who don’t already have too damned much phone in their life. If you’re one of the poor souls who uses the AOL client then this might make your computer ring, but as a longtime Trillian user all it does for me is generate voicemail that I ignore. WaPo gets to call and leave messages begging for service upgrades, I get my Sunday paper, and my darling girlfriend gets peace and quiet… or at least as much as one can have with me in their life…

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

World Bank IMF Protest

Originally uploaded by isisDC.

It wasn’t enough that you hit a woman in the head over the weekend with a brick? You had to go ruin the commute of half the city today? Due to your general asshattery, I extend my middle finger in your general direction. I am, apparently, not alone in my hatred of both you and your antics, though, as my Twitter Friends List is full of vitriol and bile concerning your decisions to march on the World Bank and make this city difficult to live in.

We’re just trying to make our way through life, go to work, do our jobs and go home at the end of the day. Blocking our streets and hitting us in the head isn’t going to win you any converts. It’s much more likely for me to say, “Hit ’em harder, officer, they fucked up my commute!” and walk away while you’re getting the business from John Q. Law.

If that’s what you wanted, then you accomplished it. Enjoy your martyr complex, I’ll be toasting your beating at the bar.

Preferably in Georgetown, where I’ll go, despite my pathological dislike of the place, just to spite you.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Many thanks to Kerry Howley for this item: Lanna Action for Burma is encouraging women around the world to send their panties to the Burmese* embassies in their countries as a means of protest against the crackdown on pro-democracy protesters. Why? Because the generals who make up the military junta that runs the country are extremely superstitious, and believe that contact with womens’ underwear will deprive them of their power.

In case you’re wondering, the Burmese embassy’s address here in DC is:

2300 S St. NW
Washington, DC 20008

And you can address your, uh, statement of protest to: U Tin Win (Ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary). Yes, that’s really his title.

* Yes, I’m aware that the “official” name of the country is the Union of Myanmar. But since the Union of Burma was the name the last time there was a democratically-elected government, and since “Union of Myanmar” is the name given to it by the military junta, I’m still going to call it Burma. When there’s a democratically-elected government in Burma again, I’ll call it whatever that government decides the country should be called.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Last night heralded the first skirmishes of the annual IMF/World Bank protests with DC’s first rain in months. And I think that was God sending a signal to the unwashed protesters: its time to get a life.

How many years have there been protests? And what’s been the impact? From what I can tell, not much besides screaming sirens and traffic snarls. These are children of global wealth, and unlike the hardcore WTO protesters, not about to die for their cause.

Smash a few shop windows, or pelt a passerby with a brick, yeah, but effect real change? Nope. Just another bunch of ineffectual protesters.

To them I gladly send the DC MPD Bicycle Corps:

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

photo courtesy of the Arlington police

While looking though some Arlington county RSS feeds I came across an entry titled “Free VIN Etching Event” where the entirety of the body was “The Arlington County Police Dept. and the Virginia State Police HEAT Program are sponsoring an auto theft deterrence event. Motorists can get their Vehicle Identification Number (VIN) etched into their exterior windows for free. Motorcyclists are welcome as well.” Well, okay – when? Where?

Unfortunately if you add one of the Arlington calendar RSS feeds you get links in your reader that don’t provide per-event calendar links – clicking this one just takes me to http://www.arlingtonva.us/police which isn’t much help. So I use the search box and find this story about last year’s October 21st event. I’m about to click away and keep searching when I notice this line midway down, emphasis mine.

101 vehicles were VIN-etched in about 4 hours, and one stolen car was recovered.

Wait – a stolen car was recovered? At a VIN etching event? Unless you can think of another interpretation I’m assuming this means someone brought in a car to be etched that was, in fact, stolen. I’ve dropped a mail to the police media representative attached to this year’s event to ask and I’ll let you know what he says. In any case, if you stole your current ride I’d suggest you skip the event.

If you’re not driving a stolen hooptie, this year’s event is scheduled for 10a – 2p on November 3 at the Arlington Assembly of God Church, 4501 N. Pershing Drive, Arlington VA.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

I hate to follow up the earlier feel-good with bitching but not so much that I’ll refrain, apparently. If for no other reason but to respond to Prontovega.

Just minutes after I posted that, I got a call from an automated dialer system – Comcast, stating they had an urgent matter to discuss about my bill, press 1 to talk to someone. Having done this dance with them before, I press 1 and open my online banking webpage while I wait.

After a few moments, during which I discover that yes, I have indeed paid them and they have indeed managed to jerk it up yet again, someone comes on the line…. and asks me for my phone number.

You know, the number that just rang when someone called it. Someone who I am talking to now.

But I have done this dance before, as I said, and I know the steps. So I read it to her and state, as always, that it’s pretty annoying to be asked for my phone number when it’s them who called me and maybe they should have some idea who they’re calling. “Thats’ the auto-dialer sir, not me.” I state, as I always do, that I understand that she did not punch the buttons herself, but never the less my phone rang and the person on the other end then asked me for my phone number. “Well, we’re calling about your bill and to ask if you have made a payment or if you would like to make a payment.”

I refrain from a ah-hah, you admit you called moment and state “I show that I paid X amount on 9/28.” I similarly refrain from commenting on how their inability to credit my account doesn’t seem to be accompanied by an inability to cash checks, and how unfortunate that is.

I don’t bother to share how completely delighted I am going to be not to ever have to deal with these chumps again once I transfer the account over to my former roommate, but it brings a smile to my face never the less. While he has no choice of internet providers there, I have several options in my new home and they haven’t gotten around to angering me yet.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs