Valentine’s Madness, Day Two

Fucked up sassy cat
Oral Copulation Sassy Cat
seen at Harris Teeter

“Here you go, snookums. I got you an electric, dancing, noisemaker cat for Valentine’s Day and it appears to be ready for oral copulation. That’s a gift for everyone!”

If I brought this home, I would expect my lovely wife to feel insulted, as if that was all she was worth. I think I would do better to forget the whole holiday. At least then I wouldn’t have to explain why I gave her such a turd of a gift.

Whatever you do, don’t get this for your sweetheart. Guys, I am trying to help you out here. It dances, sings a song and annoys the hell out of the grocery clerks. At least it does when I walk by and press all the buttons like a three-year-old. If you need a stuffed animal for that special someone, go for the little bear to the right of the cat. The bear is trying to get some love, as opposed to the cat, who looks more like she is trying to give it up.

What do you think is the perfect romantic gift?

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Carl Weaver is a writer and brewer for and has been making beer and wine for more than 20 years. He is also an avid photographer and writer and just finished his first book, about a trip he took to Thailand to live in Buddhist monasteries. He considers himself the last of the Renaissance men and the luckiest darned guy in the world. Follow him on Twitter.

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