I just want to get this out there: I believe that someone has kidnapped our beloved Nationals and replaced them with a group of animatronic lookalikes from the future. That is the only way of explaining the tear that the Nationals are on without resorting to miracles, incredible feats of fortune and favor, and outright violation of the laws of physics. The Nats have won 6 of their last 8, including their last four. They’ve won or tied their last three series, against the Padres, Brewers and Mets. Hell, Josh Willingham had two grand slams the other night, the 13th time that’s happened in the history of baseball.
While broadcasters Rob Dibble and Bob Carpenter are chalking it up to a mysterious baseball card from the 1970s that they were recently mailed, I believe the only possible explanation is robots from the future. Tonight the Nats send Garrett Mock to the mound, I’m just hoping that he hasn’t been replaced with an automaton with a wicked 12-6 curve and a cutter that makes Baby Jesus cry. I just hope that wherever the original Nationals are, they’re being well cared for.