Folks, I’m here today to talk with you about an endangered species: the clean sidewalk. Ever since the two disastrous storms this month, the clean sidewalk has been threatened drastically by sloth, corpulence, laziness and excuses. We need your help in restoring the habitat for the clean sidewalk today. If it were to go the way of the dodo bird, people would have to walk in the street. If it were to go the way of the passenger pigeon, DC’s residents would be in danger every day.
So please, DC, save the sidewalks. Tell your friends and neighbors: it’s their duty to shovel off a path for people to walk. It’s not just a good idea, it’s the law.
Save the sidewalks. Think of the children.