Yesterday’s request for Georgetown to be Freed from the Tyranny of all the poor people in DC got us thinking, and we’ve decided to help them out by writing their Declaration of Independence for them:
When, in the course of Late Night Shots, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political and social bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the superior and fucking awesome station to which the Laws of Nature and their daddy’s employment entitle them, an indecent molestation of the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that Smith Point is far better than any piece of shit you have east of Rock Creek park, and that us Georgetowners are endowed by our bank accounts with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and not having to deal with poor, homeless people on Friday night. That to secure these rights, we are going to kick your sad ass to the curb and erect (dude, you said erect) checkpoints where we will only allow real cool people into Georgetown. The rest of you can piss off.
Signed, the douchebags of Georgetown, esquires.
Good luck in your endeavors to rid Georgetown of those less fortunate than you. I beg forgiveness from the ghosts of our Founding Fathers for the above egregious bastardization of the Declaration of Independence.