‘Dine-In At Ted’s Bulletin’
courtesy of ‘[F]oxymoron’
Growing up on the mean streets of suburban Maryland, I ate at my fair share of diners. Silver Diner, Broadway Diner, Hoffberg’s Deli…the list goes on. There are obvious benefits to diner eating – major portions, the food you wish your mom made all the time (and made well), and breakfast all day. One thing that diners didn’t necessarily do for me was always taste good. They can be great, or they can be plastic cup of coleslaw on the side bad. I think we call that inconsistency. Now that I’m a big girl living in the big city, I’ve graduated from the diners of greater Rockville Pike to Ted’s Bulletin. Though it may not be a traditional diner, it’s the diner of my dreams.
Much like the diners of my youth, Ted’s is a fantastic fall back restaurant. Not to say that it’s not a destination unto itself, it just works as my go-to place when nothing else excites me. And in this dreary time of year, I’m uninspired and therefore eating at Ted’s a whole lot. And it’s really working out well for me.
The thing I may love most of all about Ted’s is the breakfast. Not only because the food is great in that kill the hangover pain way, but because it’s available every day, all day. Number one, in what universe is breakfast all day not genius? And two, where are the other restaurants that serve me breakfast on a Tuesday when I’m “sick” and/or “working from home?” Thanks Ted’s, for serving my needs. After a breakfast from Ted’s, there’s really no need for another meal that day. Just like all their dishes, portions are large and we aren’t exactly talking about figure friendly ingredients. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
I employ the “go big or go home” approach to breakfast here, and as a result have had a food epiphany at the hands of the T.U.B.S. Sandwich. Not for the faint of heart or sodium intake, it’s two slices of Texas toast hugging a heavy serving of scrambled eggs, a fried egg, sausage, a few slices of bacon and cheese. It’s heaven. I don’t know if I could eat it more than a couple times in my life, but I’m definitely better for that brush with cardiac death. Other quite honorable mentions include the aptly named Walk of Shame Breakfast Burrito, and the old school pancake stack.
There are, strangely enough, days when I’m not in the mood for breakfast. The menu can be daunting, just as much for the fact that it is the size of a newspaper than for the caloric content that lies within. I usually stick to the sandwich and burger area of the menu (see above re: portion size) but I have never been disappointed. The Rachel (or turkey ruben to you laymen) is creamy and satisfying and flashes me back to those diner days of yore in a second. I’m also a huge fan of the burgers — my favorite is the Southwest (West Virginia) Burger because between the avocado, green chile sauce and white cheddar, it’s a feat of delicious physics. I also have it from a reliable source that the Peanut Butter Bacon Burger, while one of the most disgusting sounding burgers I’ve ever heard of, is actually quite good. He qualifies things by saying it’s not for the meek, but the combo of sweet and savory will leave you happy on the way to your EKG.
Again, I can’t really speak to the entrees because I’m more of a comes-with-a-bun type of gal, but my dining companions have given high marks to the Chicken Fried Steak and the meatloaf. Both reminded them of Mom, and I really can’t think of a much better compliment than that.
When talking desserts at Ted’s, they less remind me of Mom than they do of the vending machine at my middle school. And you better believe that’s a good thing. We’ve got their version of Twinkies, homemade Pop-Tarts, Oatmeal Cream Pies that would make Little Debbie jealous plus a few superb non-plastic wrapped delicacies. I’m a big fan of the giant slab of carrot cake, though time after time I end up with a Pop-Tart. I’m a sucker for sprinkles.
Is Ted’s technically a diner? By no means. It’s classy light years beyond the diners I grew up with, though it still hits the high points I remember so fondly. And now that I don’t have to leave at 10pm when my mom comes to pick me up, it’s even better.
Ted’s Bulletin is located at 505 8th St. SE. The closest Metro station is Eastern Market (Orange Line). For more information, call 202-544-8337.