Moose on the Metro by KentonNgo
As you prepare for your journey home for the Thanksgiving holiday, we’d like to offer you some travel safety tips.
- Don’t refer to Reagan National Airport as “Reagan Airport”. You’ll be hogtied and sprayed with patchouli by any liberal who overhears you. Repeat after me: “National Airport”.
- Don’t drink before you make your way through security or you may mistake that TSA pat down as a sexual advance. First, it’s not, and second, have you ever seen an attractive TSA security guard? Wait until you’re at your gate or on the plane before you break out that flask of Wild Turkey (disguised as a 3 ounce shampoo bottle*), and don’t forget to share with your fellow passengers.
- If Grandma picks you up from the airport in her ’73 Chevy Impala, grab the keys from her and insist on driving*. She’s old and could be a danger to other drivers on the road, plus the car has a V8 in it and hauls some serious ass. Crank that AM radio and be the gangster you’ve always wanted to be.
- If you happen to spot a moose on the Metro either on your way out of town or on your way home, don’t panic. According to the Internet, “Moose are most likely to attack during the spring (when the females have new calves) and fall (when the bull moose are trying to mate). They weigh up to 1500 pounds and could easily crush a human if aggravated. Most moose attacks are brought on by foolishness – common sense is the key.” Common sense. Is the key. Wise words.
Safe travels, DC, and say hi to Grandma for me — I’ll be here holding down the fort, enjoying the entire city to myself. If I missed any travel safety tips, feel free to leave them in the comments.
* In no way do we at We Love DC condone messing with TSA rules or drinking and driving.