Open Letters

I’m actually spending the night in Atlanta for some business travel, but wanted to share some of my experiences during the trip today.

Dear M&M Mars:

Don’t get me wrong, I love the free M-Azing bar promotions going on at Metro stops. Who doesn’t love free chocolate? But you are clearly giving your product away because you can’t sell it, so allow me to provide you some free feedback to save you the cost of the focus group.
- Chocolate candies in chocolate bars is not that unique in the candy bar market. Come up with a distinctly cravable bar, and watch your sales rise!
- The chocolate is far too melty, particularly for a bar which begs to be broken apart with the fingers like a Hershey bar. Give me something that stands up to the warmth of my fingertips for the length of time it takes me to break off a piece and put it in my mouth.
- Use better chocolate. This cheap-ass stuff isn’t exactly flying off the shelves.

Love, Tiff

Dear Wall Street Deli in National Airport:

“Cash only” my ass. Here’s a clue: When the closest ATM is on the OTHER side of the security line, maybe accepting credit cards as a payment option for your wildly overpriced sandwiches would be a good business move. What would also be a good business move, if you refuse to leap into the 20th century, would be to post this policy, oh, ANYWHERE along your counter. Perhaps back by the sandwich ordering area would be nice. That way you can avoid what happened today when I unsucessfully tried to buy lunch from your establishment- when I discovered that my profferred debit card wouldn’t be accepted, I put the sandwich that had just been made back onto the counter and walked away. A lost sale, and a wasted sandwich. Screw you too.

Love,
Tiff

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Tiffany Baxendell Bridge is an Internet enthusiast and an incurable smartass. When not heckling the neighborhood political scene on Twitter, she can be found goofing off with her ukulele, Bollywood dancing, or obsessing about cult TV. She is That Woman With the Baby In the Bar.

Tiffany lives in Brookland with her husband Tom, son Charlie, and two high-maintenance cats. Read why Tiffany loves DC.

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