Civil Engineers who should be shot

I just have to ask… who the FUCK designed Columbia, MD? I’m not talking about the residential portion of one of America’s first planned communities (but the wisdom of creating an entire community with no reliable landmarks that aren’t duplicated 4 blocks later is questionable). I’m talking about whoever the mental giant was that designed the business district.

My business partner and I had to drive from downtown DC to Columbia, MD today to deliver our company’s annual holiday gift to a client there. Keep in mind, this is typically a 5 minute visit, and we’re driving 33 miles to do it. Why? Because someone three levels up from us decided that every one of our active clients had to get this gift. In person.

So we get off 95 at Columbia to discover that there are no damn street signs, rendering our Google directions useless. We stumble our way to the business district on Dobbins Rd, looking for #6440. Approximately where 6440 should be is a shopping center. It contains 6435, 6445, 6450, but no 6440, and no one has any idea where it is. So we go across the street and find a 6440, but it’s an auto-parts store. Great.

Another quarter-mile down the road, in yet another complex, we find what? A SECOND 6440!!! WTF? How can there be so many buildings labeled 6440? Does that not confuse the mail carrier?!

Having completed our 5 minute errand after an hour and a half of driving around, we decide we need some hot chocolate for the ride home and decide to go to the nearby Starbucks. But you can’t get to that Starbucks from the same thoroughfare we were on. There was no driveway into the (yet another) complex it was situated in. Just grass and landscaping.

We had to turn down an unmarked side street to find what was apparently the only driveway into the center. It took us to the loading docks area, where we had to then take a hairpin turn back toward the Starbucks and wind our way around to the front of the building.

Who the hell designs a shopping center this way? Why would you send your shoppers to the loading docks first? That’s like… like joining a dating site and using a photo of your armpit in your profile! Sure, it’s you, but it’s not exactly the best first impression.

I don’t know who designed the Columbia business district, but they did a shitty, shitty job.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Tiffany Baxendell Bridge is an Internet enthusiast and an incurable smartass. When not heckling the neighborhood political scene on Twitter, she can be found goofing off with her ukulele, Bollywood dancing, or obsessing about cult TV. She is That Woman With the Baby In the Bar.

Tiffany lives in Brookland with her husband Tom, son Charlie, and two high-maintenance cats. Read why Tiffany loves DC.

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