Dear Fairlington Hoodlums:
How is it that in this age of video games, DVDs, portable music, and all-night youth rec centers, you are still so mind-stuntingly BORED that all you can think of to do to entertain yourselves is to SLASH MY FUCKING TIRES?
Is this your little act of teenage rebellion? Does your mommy not love you enough? Clearly she didn’t beat your ass enough, a situation I intend to remedy if I see you near my car again. I’m little, but I will pwn you.
I could understand if the hundreds of dollars I now have to spend to get new tires were going into your pockets. It would be wrong, but greed is a motivation I understand. But it’s just the old guys at the Shirlington Shell who are going to get my $700, and tomorrow night you’ll be out roaming the neighborhood again, just as bored as before.
Until I find you. Then you’ll be excited, but not in that fun way.
This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs