If Dr. Ruth Jacobs’ incoherent discussion of the purposes of the anus wasn’t enough bum-talk for you today, I’ve got another one for you.
A new inmate security device is being tested in Maryland prisons. Invented after an offhanded remark by a corrections officer that their biggest security problem was “people hiding things up their rear ends,” I am astonished that nothing like this has been invented before. Called the Body Orifice Security Scanner (or BOSS, which is the best acronym ever for something like this), it’s a chair that the inmate sits in so that the machine can scan them for metal objects hidden in their bodies. Sometimes it’s something simple like keys hidden between the toes, but it can also find cellphones stashed in more intimate locations. How has it taken us this long to figure out how to non-invasively determine whether a more invasive search is needed?
And finally, if you’re wondering why I chose a photo of Tom Green for this entry, congratulations for having never been subjected to the song that you may watch below: