The charging documents for Jack and Leslie Johnson are out, and among the more colorful allegations in them is that Mr. Johnson asked Mrs. Johnson to hide $79,000 in her bra.
This was immediately met on Twitter with conjecture as to the impossibility of such a feat. The speculators were almost all men who have never had to stash anything in their bras, so I consider them ill-equipped to speculate.
Much as it pains my sense of blog-propriety to do this, I am forced to explain:
It is really not that impossible to secret that quantity of cash in one’s foundation garments, even for the lady of more modest endowment.
The largest bill the Treasury prints is the $100. Of course, you need just 790 of these to have $79k.
A stack of 100 bills is .43 inches thick. You need 7.9 stacks of a hundred Benjamins. .43 * 7.9 = 3.397, so 79 G’s measures less than 3.5 inches. Or, if you split it in half for easier hiding, you end up with two stacks 1.75 inches thick.
If you’re wearing a high-necked shirt, you can probably hide this effectively in your cleavage, as long as you’re not getting frisked. If you need a more secure hiding place, you can stash half in each cup as sort of a push-up bra effect.
Edited to Add: Comments about Leslie Johnson’s breasts, demands for photos to back up the math, etc. will be deleted. No one would be making those comments if the money had been found in Jack Johnson’s boxers.