” TWO KINGS, DC-NOVA’s one & only Tenacious D tribute band”

I have to say, that’s one more than I thought we had.

TWO KINGS, DC-NOVA’s one & only Tenacious D tribute band, presents Valentine’s Day @ The Red & the Black w/ special guest MIKE HUCKLEBERRY!

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“Here you go, snookums. I got you an electric, dancing, noisemaker cat for Valentine’s Day and it appears to be ready for oral copulation. That’s a gift for everyone!”

If I brought this home, I would expect my lovely wife to feel insulted, as if that was all she was worth. I think I would do better to forget the whole holiday. At least then I wouldn’t have to explain why I gave her such a turd of a gift.

Whatever you do, don’t get this for your sweetheart. Guys, I am trying to help you out here. It dances, sings a song and annoys the hell out of the grocery clerks. At least it does when I walk by and press all the buttons like a three-year-old. If you need a stuffed animal for that special someone, go for the little bear to the right of the cat. The bear is trying to get some love, as opposed to the cat, who looks more like she is trying to give it up.

What do you think is the perfect romantic gift?

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Happily the overnight temps weren’t so low as to keep this kind of spectacle in place for this morning. This car was parked near mine when I left work around 7:30 last night and the photo doesn’t really do justice to the krispy kreme look all the vehicles had. It was an real flashback for me to my visit up here for a conference in the late 90s, when a severe ice storm left my rental car so encased in ice that I had to kick the door repeatedly to get it so it could open.

And yes, if you’re wondering, when the car is that frozen, so is the ground underneath it… which makes for some real entertainment when someone is on one foot repeatedly kicking an immovable object. Or at least my friend thought so – my ass was less convinced.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

I took one look at my car this morning and flashed back to the awful traffic I sat in for 90 minutes trying to go to class last night. It wasn’t pretty. There was screaming. But the roads are better today, and with the Feds on a 2 hour delay, and a bunch of schools doing the same, I think we’re in for a peculiar commuting day. Especially when the rain turns to snow for evening rush.

Two Local Reps Unseated in Primary

For many of us, there was only one ballot option yesterday: President. However, for at least one congressional district in Maryland, there were also primary challenges against their incumbent representative, and two of the incumbents were sent packing: 8-term Congressman Albert Wynn and 9-term Congressman Wayne Gilchrest.

Why not? We already have a bunch of crazy sports figures, what’s one more?

Sure, Chad Johnson is certifiable. But then again, so is Dan Snyder, so why not bring his chocolate to our peanut butter and make a great big ol’ crazy sandwich? Just what this town needs is a guy who’s more flash than bang. It’ll work out great! Right?

Right?

Why are you staring at me like that?

400 Student Flu Outbreak at College Park

I’ve got a feeling that if you work at UMD or attend there, you might want to stock up on surgical masks to avoid all the sick folks around you. Or just don’t go to class. That’d work, too.

Tractor Man Remains Free!

Yeah, Tractor Man predates this blog, which is honestly a shame, because it’s probably one of the funniest things I’ve seen happen in DC. He drove a giant tractor onto the Mall to protest tobacco policy, and claimed to have a bomb on board the tractor, which allowed him to raise hell and wreak havoc for 48 hours while the police freaked out, and the rest of us laughed at him.

But, he’ll remain a free man despite what prosecutors considered to be an overly short sentence. That’s fine, though, he may have been crazy, but he’s the kind of crazy this town needs.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

The results of the DC Primary are now being tallied, and with 48% counted, Sen. Barack Obama is leading by a margin of 3 to 1 over Sen. Hillary Clinton. Congratulations, Senator Obama on being the District’s clear choice.

What’s that say when the District that was home to then-First Lady Hillary Clinton can’t muster more than a quarter of the vote?

Regardless, thanks to all who voted today. Maryland’s still not reporting much in the way of results, but is projected to go to McCain and Obama.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

With 35% of the vote in and counted in Virginia, Sen. Barack Obama is the clear winner (by a 2 to 1 margin!) of the state’s primary. On the Republican side, though, the vote is MUCH harder to sort, as the state-wide lead between McCain and Huckabee is less than 1,400 votes.

What’s fascinating is to look at the map and note the trends by geographic district. The close-in suburbs are certainly pro-Obama/McCain, while the western portion of the state are dramatically Huckabee/Clinton. Certainly that says interesting things about our region.

Update: McCain is predicted now to take Virginia, but the margin is far too narrow for McCain’s taste, I would expect.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Due to the weather, Maryland has extended their polls until 9:30pm. Please go vote if you haven’t already. Drive safely.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

I wanted to go to class tonight. I did. We were talking about a book that I had strong opinions about, that I spent a lot of time thinking about. However, the 7-mile drive from home to the Virginia Tech campus was not to be. I knew I was in trouble when the intersection of Route 7 and my street was backed up and not moving. I gave it my all, but when after 80 minutes in the car I wasn’t a mile from home, I gave up and turned around.

The roads are downright awful out there tonight. Parts of the Beltway are closed. Several major interchanges are closed due to horrific ice, there are 20 car pileups and there’s an ice storm warming until tomorrow morning at 7, it’s just pretty freakin’ awful out there.

I know you’ve probably got awful stories, please relay them in the comments.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Continuing the trend of “don’t be an ass and you don’t have to be embarrassed if you get taped” here’s a video on YouTube from Baltimore. In it, Officer Rivieri (he identifies himself at 1:55) gets indignant with a skateboard, apparently assaults him and takes his property, then continues to berate him some more before intimidating the kid taking the video into turning off his recording.

I suppose it’s possible he subsequently returns the board or arrests the kid and puts it into evidence, but we can’t tell from here. All we can be certain is that he embarrasses himself and ahem Charm City by being such a bully and jerk.

Happily, Baltimore seems to be more responsive when one of their employees engages in inappropriate behavior than the Fairfax school system is.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

If you’re dying for coverage of the election today (oh and believe me, I am one of you) then maybe check out the Washington Post’s new Potomac Primary election coverage that just started at 4pm today. Hosted by Jon Meachamm, Editor of Newsweek, I’ve already seen Chris Cillizza on, and I know that they’re expecting Dan Balz, Sally Quinn, Mark Miller, Eleanor Clift and others as featured guests, as well as Metblogs’ favorite Marc Fisher. Dana Millbank is also hanging out on the set in the newsroom at WPNI in Arlington.

If you’re looking for local insight, check out their broadcast via washingtonpost.com, they’ll be much better, and I imagine much more…entertaining than the botox-ridden Wolf Blitzer.

Updated: Of course in the time that it took me to write and post this entry, the broadcast has taken a break until 7pm. D’oh! Teach me to watch and not write immediately….their guitar rock music backing to the static graphic indicating they’re offline right now, though, is pretty good stuff.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Yep, all the florists are in on it. They know you need to buy roses to keep from sleeping in the doghouse on Valentine’s Day. Come on – $65 for a box of a dozen roses that will end up in my compost bin after a few days? I seriously doubt the lasting effects of a box of roses. Call me unromantic, but to me a whole rose bush, three of which are on the way to my home right now, is even better because it produces roses one after another, giving glorious blooms like they were penny candy. Yet a whole rose bush isn’t a romantic gift.

I once dated a woman who said that she would be really happy if I got her a dozen roses or else a single rose, but that half a dozen wasn’t romantic at all. Neither was two dozen. A whole room full of them and you are back to romantic. I never understood this logic but other women have confirmed its validity.

All this leaves me confused about the nature of romantic gifts. Things that show care, such as road flares, reflective vests or a good pair of shoe insoles aren’t romantic, even though they would last longer than cut flowers or candy. Flowers and candy really have the message of zooming to the express lane to get in someone’s pants, yet they are the traditional romantic gifts.

What are you getting your sweetie for Valentine’s Day? What does it mean to you?

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

If you’re thinking to yourself right about now that you should’ve looked up where your polling place is by now, but don’t know, you’re in the right place. Here’s how to find out where you should be voting today.

In DC: Use this handy Polling Place Finder, it searches based on your home address, or, if you know your precinct number, on that. There are 142 precincts in DC, and there’s a full list here, complete with entrance locations, and handicapped entrance locations. Polls close at 8pm.

In Virginia: Use the State Board’s Polling Place Finder. It’s based on your Home Address, so put that in, and it’ll be all good. If your address isn’t on there, contact the State Board and they’ll tell you where to go! Polls close at 7pm.

In Maryland: Check out the UMBC Election Day Polling Place Locator, which is weird because it’s actually not at the State Board’s site. However, give it your home address and it’s off to the races. Polls close at 8pm.

Please be aware that if you have proper identification and someone tries to turn you away, please ask to speak to the head judge of the polling station. They can check with the county or city clerk to make sure that you’re in the right place, and you can always cast a provisional ballot. Provisional Ballots are reviewed by the county or city clerk’s office to make sure that you were indeed registered and that you had the right to cast your ballot. Don’t get angry, be polite, be firm, and exercise your right to a franchise.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

My darling girlfriend and I got to our polling place around 8:15 this morning (what’s the point of white collar work if you can’t use voting as an excuse to come in late?) and got in the not-too-horrid line. At least it started just inside the door, a big improvement on the line that snaked around the building when she voted there for President in 2004. The “about 20 minutes” someone mentioned when we got there was more like 40, in no small part because the roster table had two people… with books they were keeping in sync.

If you want to find a problem with the open primary system, this might be it. Although these two fellows divided the handing out of Democratic and Republican “ballots”¹ between them, they never the less were marking people off as having shown up in both books – presumably to keep someone from coming back later and asking for the other party’s ballot. So no speed advantage there, though it did mean I could easily see the two tally sheets. At the time of my arrival they’d handed out 211 Democratic slips and 53 Republican ones.

I can’t speak for anyone else, but the wait was well worth it for me. Not so I could pick the MUP candidate I did, but because at the age of 37 this makes my first-ever primary vote. I’ve been a registered independent all through my voting life and I came here from a closed primary state, Florida. So this was my first pull of the lever unverifiable button push in a primary.

Which my darling girlfriend promptly canceled out. Teamwork, I tell you!

¹ Actually just printed slips of paper that told the kiosk worker which button to press when activating the tools of Satan electronic voting machines.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

It’s chilly out today, but better than yesterday. A wintry mix may descend on the region today, but turn to rain and sleet. It’ll pretty much be lame for evening rush. Leave early, go vote.

Metro Thinking of Rerouting Blue Line

With the Orange Line at full capacity and the tunnel under the Potomac between Rosslyn and Foggy Bottom the system’s biggest chokepoint, Metro is considering rerouting the Blue Line, taking it across the Potomac after the Pentagon station and depositing the trains at the L’Enfant Plaza station, skipping Arlington Cemetery, Rosslyn, and several downtown stations entirely. The plan’s pretty controversial, judging by the comments in the Dr. Gridlock column about the event. Skipping Western DC in favor of the Eastern half is a pretty bold choice, I’d say

DC’s Police DNA Lab Changes Hands

Well, fired isn’t the right term, but reassigned might better fit the bill. The head of the DC Crime Lab DNA section has changed hands to William Vosburgh, after not a single technician in the DC DNA lab was able to gain federal certification, and as such, the FBI is doing all of DC’s dirty work down at Quantico. Maybe Dr. Vosburgh will get the job done?

Maybe Keeping the Flight Systems On is a Good Idea?

The NTSB has determined that a fatal helicopter crash in 2006 was caused by pilot error, specifically the pilot turning off the engine control systems and then not noticing. How the hell do you turn off the system that controls the engine and not freaking notice? The NTSB has come down on the operator like a ton of bricks in their final crash report. Shocker, I know.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

This was the very front of the line at Arlington Precinct 22 at the Abingdon Elementary School this morning. The line was about 100 people when I walked in, and about the same length when I left. I was voter number 281 (split 230:51, D:R) at 8:37am. The line was pleasant and kept moving the whole way through, snaking its way through the foyer in front of the gymnasium. The hold-up point was at Registration this morning, due to the fact that they were double-checking their poll books. They also hadn’t separated the line for Rep/Dem, but I think that’s standard operating procedure.

Overall, took 40 minutes to vote, there were no problems, and everyone was pleased to be there, except for the young couple with two children who should’ve voted a block up at the community center instead of at the school, but even they were good natured about the whole thing.

How was your vote this morning? I’ve heard reports of lines upward of an hour in some precincts, and reports of voting times at less than 15 minutes in others. I’ve also heard that there are some crazy people waving signs on the median of Route 50, which may or may not be the dumbest thing I’ve heard all day.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

When the guys at DC Comedy 4 Now invited me out to see their bi-monthly “Top Shelf” show at Solly’s U St. Tavern, I was skeptical. The idea is that all the comedians dress up in suits or dresses to do their bits. Being unable to imagine wanting to do my set in a skirt, I wasn’t sure how it would go. Could Larry Poon be the same without his track suit? Does Hampton even own a suit? (Answer: Yes, and it makes him look even younger, if that’s possible.)

It wasn’t until I actually arrived at Solly’s upstairs room that it all started to make sense- the wobbly tables, the assorted debris against the back wall of the stage, Nick Turner’s insistence on drinking his PBR out of a snifter… Clearly there was more irony here than I had previously been aware of.

I had a great time at the show- Kojo Mante’s diatribe against comparing things to crack had me in tears, and Justin Schlegel’s insistence, yelled out the window to passerby, that driving a Vespa makes you gay (delivered while wearing a cherry-red blazer, no less) is probably my favorite pot-and-kettle joke to date.

You can catch the next Top Shelf at Solly’s on February 19th, and the cover is only $5! So cheap! But if you’re still looking for something to do for your comedy-lovin’ sweetie around Valentine’s Day, the DC Comedy 4 Now crew will be hosting “Romantic Comedy” this Saturday in the DC Improv’s Comedy Lounge. Get your tickets in advance, their last show sold out.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

I switched to an iPhone in June, otherwise I’d have known before now, but the RIM Blackberry network covering the entirety of the US, including all cell providers and enterprise networks, is currently down. So, if the guy next to you at the bar is screaming tonight, now you know why.

Well, it’s that or he’s batshit crazy. Or it could be both, I guess.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Are you a Nationals or Orioles fan? Do you own an HDTV? Well you may be stoked to hear that as many as 60 of their games may be broadcast in high definition this season on the Mid-Atlantic Sports Network (MASN). If this is true, it means I don’t actually have to go to a game to enjoy a beer! I can drink one right in the comfort of my own living room as I watch the green grass in all of its HD glory, fall asleep on the couch, and then wake up to see that the Nationals lost. How cool is that? The only thing missing is someone behind me spilling beer down my back, but I think I can live without that.

Photo by Scott Ableman

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

As a Virginian, I have the option of choosing which ballot I vote tomorrow, something that as a non-partisan centrist, I appreciate immensely. I find the option liberating, allowing me to choose which I wish to support in the primary stage depending on who seems to be the most valuable. However, DC independents like Max and Jenn don’t have that option. They need to use the archaic political party system to choose which primary they get to vote in. They had to register with a party back in January.

It seems like bullshit to me, to have to register with a party to get to choose a nominee. Those of us who aren’t “party faithful” and find the general concepts of political parties at large to be a distasteful relic of the past, get easily frustrated by the silencing of our voices.

Are you an independent in DC shut out by the process? Make your case in the comments, either for your candidate of choice, or for changing the system.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

I was at Clarendon the other night and was surprised at not only how I wasn’t quite freezing to death in the middle of February, but also how clear and serene the evening seemed to be, even right outside the Metro station. What better time to do a little nighttime photography?

I hadn’t planned on this evening activity and thus did not have a tripod with me, but I took advantage of a newspaper box for support and did a few different exposures, ending with this one, which was eight seconds at f13, ISO 100, and I think the best of them all. Read more about nighttime photography here.

What’s your favorite place to get some after-dark snapshots?

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs