More DC Apologies We’d Like to See

Photo courtesy of
‘Jerk City’
courtesy of ‘Smath.’

You’ve probably heard by now that Justice Clarence Thomas’ wife, Virginia Thomas, called Anita Hill and left her a voicemail asking her to consider apologizing to Justice Thomas for her sexual harassment allegations 19 years ago. I mean, clearly the only honorable course of action was to sit down and shut up about her mistreatment.

We found Mrs. Thomas’ sheer chutzpah inspiring and have come up with a list of additional apologies we’d like to see around DC:

Rasheeda Jones, it is time to consider apologizing to Council Member (and then-mayor) Marion Barry. It was such a shame the way you set him up to get caught by the FBI with that crack pipe. Really. Did you not consider the effect it would have on his political career? And while we’re on the topic, I call upon the IRS to apologize to Barry for their outrageous demands that he pay the taxes he owes to the US Government.

But it’s not like Barry is the only person owed an apology in DC government. Oh no. Sixty percent of DC voters need to cowboy up and apologize to Mayor Adrian Fenty for being so over-sensitive that they voted him out of office for being a go-it-alone asshole. Expect robocalls in your voicemail to ask for that apology within the week.

Lest you thought I was going to stop at political figures, let’s talk about sports for a minute. Redskins fans, don’t you think you owe Dan Snyder a heartfelt apology? I mean, you whine when the Redskins revoke your 12-seasons-running season tickets when a payment is late in the middle of an economic meltdown. And then when you express your ungrateful, selfish opinions on t-shirts and signs, you have the GALL to complain when you are ejected from the stadium for insulting the team owner. Don’t you know he had to take 10 whole seconds away from running the Redskins into the ground to think about your hurtful words? Destroying a football franchise takes concentration, you know. And then when he banned your signs and “Fire Snyder” t-shirts from his stadium, did you take the hint? No, you asked for help in smuggling them in. It’s time to apologize for your shameful behavior, and by shameful, I mean, anything that does not involve shutting up and continuing to hand your money over to an unsuccessful football team.

Who else has been wronged, DC? Who is owed an apology?

Tiffany Baxendell Bridge is an Internet enthusiast and an incurable smartass. When not heckling the neighborhood political scene on Twitter, she can be found goofing off with her ukulele, Bollywood dancing, or obsessing about cult TV. She is That Woman With the Baby In the Bar.

Tiffany lives in Brookland with her husband Tom, son Charlie, and two high-maintenance cats. Read why Tiffany loves DC.

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7 thoughts on “More DC Apologies We’d Like to See

  1. Rodney King should apologize to the LAPD! He should have known the amount of chaos it would have caused from him driving under the influence! lol! I like this game!

  2. I am with you on Barry and Thomas. However, attacking Fenty on expecting people to judge him based on results and Snyder for asking people to pay for services is wrong. Certainly Fenty and Snyder have done worse things than expect other people to be responsible.

  3. Really, Really? You’ve never heard of someone getting fired for pissing off someone important? In many jobs, and politics in particular, selling your program to people and making them feel respected is an actual part of the job. One that Fenty spectacularly failed at, whatever his other successes.

    And I think Dan Snyder’s long history of contempt for the fanbase is well-documented.

  4. @Really?, Wake up; you ever worked with someone that did their job perfectly but got fired because they couldn’t get along with the other co-workers? We’ll this is what happened to Fenty. Dan Snyder on the other hand is a case of incompetence, there’s no defending him! Welcome to the real world!

  5. You forgot the DC taxpayers. They clearly owe Congress, and the U.S. Constitution an apology for constantly bothering them about taxation without representation. I mean, if DC residents want to be so picky about voting rights, they should have considered living in an actual state. Congress is busy, and doesn’t have time for such frivolity. If your votes counted, you would understand that.