Got this in the email inbox late last night. Thought I should share it with everyone – seems Jack Bauer reads WLDC! Leave him your comments; he said he’ll be watching… -BHR
After innumerable years as a government employee trotting the globe, I’m finally back in the center of it all, beautiful Washington, DC. And I love it here.
There are lots of reasons why; I thought, since everyone’s been ragging on me this week, why not ‘fess up and tell you? DC is awesome for so many reasons:
- The government is so efficient around here! Congress gets rolling early in the morning, allowing me to make my testimony and still have a full day to track down and beat up African terrorists.
- The excellent proximity of FBI HQ and Nationals Park. I can’t wait to head over for a game and suds after a brisk morning of technobabble with FBI geeks. Hey, there’s tickets still left for Opening Day when the Prez tosses the first pitch! Sweet!
- I love how big DC is. Over 21 miles square! And never traffic to slow you down as you zip from place to place – a key benefit in my line of work.
- The Capitol dome is so big, you can see it from anywhere in town! It’s a great landmark to steer by.
- Northwest Airfield is so close to town, I can fly out to LA to see my clueless kid without having to schlep all the way to Dulles.
- Speaking of my bubbly daughter, there’s no pumas in Maryland or Virginia, so when she goes out for a walk, she won’t get eaten after she steps into a bear trap. What a relief!
- Metro is a fabulous transit line. You can get to locations like DuPont Circle from North Georgetown by way of Pentagon City in less than five minutes. And I heard Metro’s going to let people even drive their trains now! That might come in handy, in case I need to take out some tunnel-traipsing Chinese commandos.
- The huge, bustling Port of Alexandria is an amazing place, full of international cargo imports and exports. You could get lost wandering around there! I don’t know how those big container ships make it through those bridges, but that’s the awesomeness of modern engineering for you.
- DC is divided into quadrants, for those of you who didn’t know. (I looked at the map tacked on our office wall.) It’s great for getting around the city. North, South, East, West quadrants… So when I need to get somewhere fast, like say, 5th and B Street, I know exactly where to go. God bless L’Enfant. I wish LA was set up like this!
- Speaking of how the District is arranged, I love how I can get from one end of the city to another with such minimal traffic. You’d think, for the seat of a nation, there’d be more people but I think with the advancement of CIP chips and sockets, there’s less need for data monkeys. You always hear about the horrible Beltway commute, but I’ve never found it a problem zipping up the 337. I think it’s a myth by these East Coasters to keep people from clogging the streets.
- Did you know DC has a fascinating underground? Lots of forgotten sewer tunnels and Cold War bunkers criss-cross the District; I’ve heard some even go under the White House. We should probably patrol those for African terrorists… You know, that’s not a bad idea. Catch ya later, DC!