‘giant fist’
courtesy of ‘philliefan99’

Because he’s not a cuddler, he’s a rapist. MPD 2nd District Commander Matt Klein said it best: “You cuddle someone you love. We’re looking for a criminal.”  There was another incident this morning, this one involving digital penetration, which is considerably more than anything that could be flippantly called “cuddling.”

So we need to call this creep what he is. I propose, “Georgetown Come-into-my-house-and-I’ll-beat-you-with-a-baseball-bat.” Or maybe “Georgetown Any-part-of-you-that-touches-me-you’re-not-getting-back.”

But failing all that, I’d settle for the “Georgetown Rapist.”

‘DSC_4717’
courtesy of ‘rekphoto’

James Von Brunn, accused Holocaust Museum shooter and vile bigot, appeared in court this morning for a preliminary hearing. US District Judge Reggie B. Walton ordered that Von Brunn be examined for competency to stand trial at the agreement of his attorney but over his personal objections, and another hearing has been scheduled for October 14th. The arraignment has been delayed to allow the examination to take place, and this hearing had been delayed due to injuries Von Brunn sustained during the shooting.

‘George Mason Memorial’
courtesy of ‘kimberlyfaye’

Back to school, back to school, to prove to Dad I’m not a fool…what? Oh, right. As part of their welcome-back activities this semester, George Mason wants to get everyone together for a World Record-breaking game of telephone today at 3pm. You can sign up here, although there is a question about what your affiliation to Mason is (but there’s an “other” if non-students really want to join).

It seems to be kind of last-minute and more of a friend-making activity than anything, so I doubt they’re going to actually break any records, but it’s always fun to see “Save me, Obamacare” turn into “Lame Frigidaire.”

Ouch. I’ve been in some interminable lines at the Harris Teeters and Safeways of the DC area, but I had no idea they were the worst in the nation. The average line is over 8 minutes long in area grocery stores, or approximately the amount of time necessary to give yourself a lobotomy with a disposable razor from Aisle 4. Are the lines that awful? Who’s the worst offender? I’d have to say the Giant in my neck of the woods is awful, and the Harris Teeter that came to Shirlington a year or so ago is the best.

The Flames, They Mean She Is Fast
Originally uploaded by ESJablair

You might’ve seen the news on JDLand or DCist about the beeping truck over at New Jersey Ave & K St SE. Reader Shaun Farrell pointed it out to us on Monday morning and requested our assistance. When email to DPW went unanswered, we gave them a call and got to the bottom of the situation.

The truck in question at the trash transfer station seemed to be making the noise, and it had been ongoing since August 21st according to area residents. As window weather is again here, and this is driving some people crazy, we ended up talking to Miss West with the DPW, who explained it was the truck’s crash attenuator. It was stuck in the on position, which meant that the truck was annoying the bejeezus out of people. She gave me the number for the weekend maintenance folks, which we passed on to the residents who had complained, and all seems to be well.

Why it had to go on for 10 days before they’d fix it, she wasn’t sure, nor was it clear why a local media outlet had to get involved before it got done. But, it is once again quiet near Capitol Towers.

‘Ayurvedic Massage’
courtesy of ‘Kerala Tourism’

The most recent D.C. Register includes draft regulations that will expand the Department of Health’s authority to monitor and regulate massage and health spas, primarily with the intention of making it easier to crack down on places that are less rolfing and more rub&tug. Sports therapy, schools, physical therapy and other medical operations are going to be exempt from monitoring but everyone else is going to have to get licensed, follow fairly specific facilities guidelines, and file a fair amount of paperwork. Visitors to spas can expect to sign some consent forms that include details about the services provided and the spa will have to keep those records for three year, and there are also other alternatives like health Spas as the Med Spa Memphis which help people feeling better and more relax.

And any of that naughty massage by pretty naked girls, even if there’s no bathing-suit-area touching? Forget it – section 207.1 says the massage therapist must wear clothing that “are fully opaque, and that do not expose their genitals, pubic area, buttocks, chest, or breasts.”

Bad news for the Washington Post’s sole source of ads in the sports section too: “No person or facility shall advertise or promote massage therapy or health spa services with nude images, images of scantily clad persons, vulgarity, or with any sexual overtones.” and “No person or facility shall advertise or promote massage or spa related services without the massage establishment or health facility’s name, address, telephone number, and license number on the advertisement.”

All told it’s 81 pages of regulation.

‘Dr. Schreiber of San Augustine giving a typhoid innoculation at a rural school, San Augustine County, Texas (LOC)’
courtesy of ‘The Library of Congress’

Virginia and DC are the only jurisdictions “requiring” that girls entering 6th grade be vaccinated against Human Papilloma Virus (HPV). I think the requirement is ridiculous for a whole variety of reasons (which have nothing to do with the standard “it promotes promiscuity” claptrap) but what’s hilarious about this is that the required vaccination isn’t so much, um, required. In both jurisdictions, parents can opt out of this particular immunization for any reason. In DC, students have to either turn in documentation that they got the vaccine, or a form signed by their parents to opt out. In Virginia, it’s even more lax- if students don’t turn in documentation of getting the shots, it will just be assumed that parents opted out.

Not much of a requirement, eh? I think Inigo Montoya says it better than I can:

‘how do you “recycle” wind?’
courtesy of ‘philliefan99’

The Sierra Club has put out their third annual sustainable campus listing & grades and the GW Hatchet is happy to report that their campus has crawled out of the basement. 81st in a field of 135 isn’t going to land you that plum job and a short road to partner, but hey – you know what they call the person who graduated last in their class in med school, right? Doctor. Snark aside, moving from an F to a C is a worthy improvement. Congrats, GW.

Our area’s top winner was University of Maryland in 67th place. George Mason is a fellow C student to GW at 89. There’s no indication Georgetown, Marymount, or Howard were examined.